life on the "j" train

Taking a "busy working mom with 2 special needs kids" life one moment at a time

This unpredictable life April 26, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — the jay train @ 2:25 pm

Well, after the fiasco that was yesterday morning I am happy to report that this morning we fared much better.  I managed to get both kids to school with no drama and  I managed to get myself to work on time.  OK so I was about 2 mins late but in my book that’s the same as on time.

I found myself thinking about Jay on my way to work.  I know I’ve talked a lot about the things he can’t do but there are so many wonderful things about him.  He is such a beautiful child.  I mean really handsome if I do say so myself.  His smile is indescribable.  He’s loving and playful and engaging and has amazing balance.  He is strong.  He’s a whiz at matching puzzles.  He is incredibly smart.  When he wants to do something he finds a way to make it happen.  When he tries to learn something new he learns it.  He just marches to the beat of his own drum that’s all.  He isn’t on anybody’s schedule but his.  I feel like him having autism is a waste.  I feel like it is making us miss out on the even more wonderful person that he really could be and should be?  I don’t think that anyone deserves to have autism but I feel like my son shouldn’t have it.  He’s so perfect in so many other ways.  I’ve heard Temple Grandin say she wouldn’t take away her autism if she could.  She believes in neuro-diversity.  I’m on the fence with that one.  Who knows, maybe because of his autism Jay will grow up to be something amazing and achieve things that he would only be able to because of this disorder but until then, for right now, I wish he didn’t have it. 

I am hopeful that my Jay will prosper and be successful in life.  I am hopeful that his brother Ace will always be there by his side to help him if and when he stumbles.  I am hopeful that he will find love and be able to experience the joy of parenthood.  Truly, I am hopeful for his future.   Much like getting to school from one morning to another, one thing I know is that life sure is unpredictable so I’m not writing him off.  Not by a long shot.  Anything is possible and I’ll be there crying happy tears and cheering on both my boys every step of the way. 

p.s.  If you’re not familiar with Temple Grandin, I encourage you to google her.  I haven’t figured out how to link to another page as yet or I would have linked her name. 

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