Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

My Fingers Are Crossed May 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 9:43 pm

It probably doesn’t make a difference if I’m 1 day off with my dates but I want to be true to life so please note, the below was written yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance to post it.  Today I will make time to write about the appointment that actually happened yesterday.  Ok?  Sorry about that. 


Later today, I’ll be taking Jay to yet another evaluation. He’s barely 3 and there have been so many already. A couple to qualify him for early intervention. A couple to get him diagnosed. A slew of tests and evaluations to get him into school. You know the drill. This doctor, that doctor and yet another doctor. I’m still looking for a doctor to join our team for real. That’s what today’s appt is about. I need to find that doctor who will be in the ring with us fighting to help Jay be his best possible self. After all, why go into pediatric neurology or child development if not to help our children be all they can be? It boggles my mind that there are so many people involved with the care of our children who are not only apathetic, but also impatient and gruff. I know it’s hard. I know it wears you out. I know the mountains are high and the challenges are endless. All I’m asking though is that you don’t give up on our kids. We need you. Our entire family needs you. This is not a one man (woman) job.

Oye, I’ve been rambling a bit. OK Here’s where that all came from. The last evaluation Jay got was in Dec 2010. It’s so fresh in my mind still. The doctor, who has way more patients than her office can manage, was 1 hr late in seeing him. She must know that sitting in a waiting room FULL of other noisy and rambunctious kids is not an ideal situation. I mean, she simply MUST know that right? Anyway, after we waited and waited it was finally our turn. Doctor whatever her name is, didn’t ask us too many questions. I think the only one was if the way he was being in her office was typical. She spent about 30 secs trying to play with Jay. She tried to get him to look at things and she tried to play catch and then said “kids like this sometimes are good with music or something like that so just try to find out if he’s one of them and focus on that. Any questions? OK, well, see you in another 6 mths.” JESUS CHRIST!!! Was this woman serious? That wasn’t what I went there to hear. I got up to leave and the tears fell. That made it into the report by the way. That “Mom was devastated with the news”. (That b!tch of a doctor. Of course I was devastated.) Oh yes, she did say that when he got older and stronger, if he became too much for us to handle physically she could prescribe something to mellow him out. Eff you! I will not be making that follow-up appointment.

I admit it, I am a total softy. I cry all the time at everything. Ask my husband. I’m not at all competitive by nature. At work I’m known as the level-headed one who never stresses out. I’m from Jamaica remember? I really do have that laid back, “no-problem” attitude. But I am not soft or dismissive or nonchalant when it comes to my children’s well-being. I’m not even capable of sitting around and just watching them get older. I’m a do-er, I’m pro-active. I want them both to believe that they can accomplish anything and I will not tolerate people around them who don’t also want that for them. This, my friend, is a negativity free zone. It’s hard to have someone evaluate your child and compare them to other children in their age group and point out all their delays and weaknesses and then write a report that will be part of his life record.  Even though I know it’s true and I know they weren’t trying to be hurtful,  I cried when 5 months ago a school evaluator said out loud that my almost 3-year-old had the behaviour and communication skills of a 1-year-old. I cried when the speech therapist in that same session said he was in the bottom 1% of children his age. It tears at you and goes against everything you thought being a parent would be about. But later today I’m going in to this appointment with a positive attitude. Cautiously optimistic I’ll call it. I’m going there hoping that this doctor will be the one who will see past his delays and actually see his potential. That this doctor will walk with us and guide us and be there for us and actually help us.    We’ll see.


2 Responses to “My Fingers Are Crossed”

  1. Alice Says:

    Your son probably knows so much more than any doctor can tell. Just wait a few years, he will surprise you in so many ways. My sons still test really “low”, but they can do all sorts of things you wouldn’t expect. So many kids with autism are a lot brighter than they can show on a standard evaluation. And jumping up and down, and not talking does NOT mean you don’t have a lot going on in your brain. I went through a very discouraged time with my sons, but now I’m realizing how much is going on in their heads. Hang in there!

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