Exactly 1 month from today my 1st born will turn 5. Where did the time go?
I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. There was nothing remarkable about my pregnancy. Nothing out of the ordinary. I just did as I was told by the doctors and waited for my boy to make his appearance. I counted down the days anxiously. CC and I very easily and quickly chose his name. I knew he would be born by cesarean since he was breech but even that didn’t worry me. I took it in stride. I didn’t care how he came as long as he was healthy. And he was. And he has been. There have been the occasional cold, 1 or 2 fevers but nothing major. There has been 1 ear infection and the occasional bump or bruise. We have been truly blessed with this child who can always manage to put a smile on my face. He’s delightful.
Ace was actually born 3 weeks before his due date and I was so happy about that. I was ready to meet him. Ever since he was a tiny baby, I couldn’t wait for the months to go by so I could see him do something new. It felt like I hit the lotto every time he did something new or every time I was able to introduce something new (like eating baby food). I loved everything about being this childs mother.
Now I do still enjoy seeing him do new things and I thoroughly love watching him grow up. But now I wish the time wouldn’t pass so quickly. I want to save him from the cruel world and protect his innocence for as long as possible. I know there will be hurt and pain. I know he will deal with ignorance and mean words and bullies. I know in a lot of ways life will be harder for him than it ever was for me. But I also know he has something that I didn’t have. He has 2 parents who love him and will always be there for him. As long as I have a breath he will have a shoulder to lean on and ears who will listen to him and arms that will hug him and words that will comfort him. He will always have someone in his corner and I will damn well make sure that he knows it.
I was raised by my Grandparents who were remarkable and who did everything they possibly could to give me a happy life. Luckily as an adult I was able to tell them how much they meant to me and to tell them thank you. I take a lot of my child raising cues from my Grandma. She got it right on so many levels. She wasn’t perfect, neither am I, but everything she did and everything I do comes from a place of love.
Baby boy, as you turn 5, just know that no matter what it is, we’ll get through it together. Yes, you’re my oldest and you’re becoming more and more independent and that scares the bejeesus out of me, but in my heart you will never outgrow being my baby. You will always have my heart in the palm of your hands.