life on the "j" train

Taking a "busy working mom with 2 special needs kids" life one moment at a time

Just What I Needed Part 2 … Patience and Valuable Advice January 24, 2012

*Read yesterdays post HERE *

 

Sounded like things at home were pretty good right?

WRONG!

While Ace and I were having our utterly pleasant, Mom/Son talks and then I went to the gym, CC was home feeling a bit loopy due to medication he’s taking and Jay was being very cranky.

I felt really badly about leaving CC home with the kids while I went and did something as selfish as going to the gym.  It wasn’t the ideal time to go  but I needed it.  Especially after the day I had had.

I came home to find CC completely spent sitting on the couch.  He was done.

There will be no gym or anything else that’s just for ME today.  I’m OK with that.

I know CC needs his “me” time too.  I do what I can to give it to him when I see him unraveling.

Parenting in general is not an easy job.  Parenting a special needs child is that much harder.  It takes a toll on your own sanity. It takes a toll on your whole life.  You question Every.Single.Thing.You.Do.

More than anything for me it tests my patience.

It’s so hard.  Trying to stay calm through the chaos.  Trying not to get mad or yell when everything in you wants to lash out.  At your own kid.  At your spouse.  At God.  At those who seem to have it easier. At anyone who wants you to do just one more thing.  No matter how small.

There’s the lack of talking, the years and years of changing diapers, the delayed fine motor skills, the looks from strangers who clearly think you’re a bad parent, the rigid routines, the limited diet, the busy schedule, the not sharing, the redirecting, the worry about the future, the fear because your son is so vulnerable.  What happens when I’m not around.  What?

The crying gets inside your head. It’s too much. You just want it to stop. But they are your kids.  Your heart.  Your everything. That’s your husband.  You love him.  You know he doesn’t deserve the bad attitude you just gave him.  You don’t want to whine and say “it’s not fair” and behave like a child. You’re the grown up. But damn it’s hard.

 

I wouldn’t nominate my father for any “father of the year” awards but there is one thing he said to me many years ago that he’s absolutely right about.  “One of the best things someone can know about themselves is what their limitations are and 1 of the best things someone can do for themselves is acknowledging their limitations.”

I will also never forget a conversation CC and I had with my Uncle 3 years ago.  We were staying at his house in Jamaica while visiting there for a wedding.  At the time, Ace was a totally adorable and well behaved 18 month old and Jay was a mere 2 months old.  Back then, there’s no way we could’ve known what lay ahead for us.  We started talking about what it was like raising 2 boys who are so close in age.  My Uncle and Aunt had done the same thing 30 something years earlier. (Minus the sp ed diagnosis)   “The thing that truly saved us when the boys got out of control is that my wife and I never lost it at the same time.  When one just couldn’t deal with them the other would take over and vice versaI think that saved our marriage because there were some really rough times.”

So far, CC and I have been able to work well together in that regard.  When one needs a break, the other picks up the slack.  We are like a tag team.  Sometimes we’re a messy, helter skelter, holding on for dear life, riding the train with wobbly wheels, holes in the parachute kind of team, but we are definitely a team.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Hats off to all the single parents out there.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say this again also.  THANK YOU to my hubby. Put your feet up and have a beer.  I’ll take care of the kids tonight.

 

That’s it.  I’m done (for now) ranting about how important it is to get (and take) a break.

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6 Responses to “Just What I Needed Part 2 … Patience and Valuable Advice”

  1. Grace Says:

    You’re so right about knowing your limitations. Recently I’ve kept my phone on silent and look at it only at my convenience because I’m tired of being expected to jump for all the people who want me to do “one more thing.” I just don’t have it in me.

    I’m glad you and your hubs make such a good team. It’s good for all of you.

  2. Michelle Says:

    I’m so glad you have CC. I have my own CC too, and that’s exactly how we get through the week. If one of us loses our patience the other one takes over and vice versa, if one is exhausted and can’t do anymore, the other one takes over….it works. I’m on my own this week with the kids and was really worried I wouldn’t cope as I lose my patience far too often, somehow I’m on day 4 and have only lost it (briefly) once. I guess when you have to you can step up to the challenge! Good work!

  3. Michelle Says:

    and sorry for always leaving long replies on your blog, I have my own and I really should go and write on there LOL!

  4. solodialogue Says:

    Read both. Good for you to take care of yourself. When we get too stressed, we are not just hurting ourselves. By hurting ourselves, we can end up sick or hurt and will not be there to “take over” for the other partner (when we are lucky enough to have one)! It is sooo hard sometimes. I totally get that. It seems though, that while there are many challenges as they get older, there seems to be just a little less stress each day. 🙂


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