I almost didn’t write today. I spent the better part of this morning shopping around for car insurance. Not exactly fun. The reason I had to shop around for car insurance is not exactly fun. So my mood today is not exactly … fun.
Despite that, there’s a happy bubble dancing around in my chest. One that I’ve been dying to tell you about since Saturday. It’s another thing that happened for the 1st time ever this weekend.
After going out on Friday night to celebrate both mine (tomorrow) and CC’s birthdays (Friday), I needed a nap on Saturday afternoon. After all, we’re getting up there in age. I woke up 3 hrs later feeling refreshed and ready to tackle a chore that’s been on my mind for a while. Sorting through the kids clothes and getting rid of (donating) all the size 3’s that no longer fit.
I made my way into the kids room and plopped myself on the floor. Jay was in there watching an animal video and boy oh boy was he happy to have me in there with him. Every time I opened a drawer, he would sneak up on me, close it and then look at me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye waiting for me to “scold” him. I would pretend to be mad and then tickle him and then he’d run away laughing. We repeated this multiple times. It was a really nice moment.
By the time I was finished with 1 set of clothes, he was laying on a bean bag which blocked the other drawer that I needed access to. I dragged the bean bag to the other side of the room much to his delight. That then became the game. He’d reach out his hand to me and say “ahen” (again) and I’d drag him all around the room while he lay on the bean bag. He giggled each and every time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Hearing my boys laugh is my favourite sound in the whole world.
The final thing I needed to do was sort out the socks. We had a drawer full of not-paired-up socks. I managed to pair up a lot of them and the ones with no partner, got thrown out.
I felt pretty good when I was finished.
Then, while I was still sitting on the floor feeling good about my completed chore, Jay came over to me, wrapped his small, soft, warm arms around my neck and said “I luh you”.
It lingered and hovered around me like a fog. I was afraid to move. I had never heard him say that before. I wasn’t sure it had happened. But it had. I had not only heard the L word but felt it the entire time I was in his room.
2.1 seconds after he said it, Jay went back to naming the animals he was seeing on the TV, CC was yelling at Ace to calm down, (the kid is like a tornado) and no-one would have known that something so big had just happened. But it had. No-one else had heard it. But I had.
No matter what life throws at us from now on or what roads we travel on that moment can never be taken away from me. It had happened. It felt (and still feels) like the kid physically reached inside my chest and hugged my heart and left it all warm and gooey and able to function in a way it never had before. It feels fuller than it ever has before. It’s both stronger and softer than it was before. It’s really and truly indescribable.
I may have waited longer than CC did to hear Jay say I love you, but that’s ok now because it was spontaneous and initiated by Jay. He wasn’t just repeating what he heard. I win! 🙂