life on the "j" train

Taking a "busy working mom with 2 special needs kids" life one moment at a time

His Beautiful Spirit March 27, 2012

I knew I would have to get around to it eventually but I was taking my sweet time.  I knew and you guys know that Ace has been getting in trouble at school.

He doesn’t sit still.  He doesn’t look at the teachers when they’re talking to him.  He butts into other people’s conversations.  He rolls around on the floor.  He sings to himself.  He is stubborn.

I knew I would have to get around to making an appointment for him to get evaluated for ADHD or Aspergers or whatever else is out there that I don’t know about yet. I was taking my sweet time because I thought his teachers had been doing a great job so far of accommodating him and allowing him some flexibility to be “himself”.

 

I guess, however, that his teachers have either run out of strategies or patience or they’re being pressured by the school administrators because the month of March has been particularly difficult.  Everyday except 2, he’s come home with a “bad” report and for each of those “bad” days he’s gotten punished at school.  He’s had to sit and watch while the other kids got to play outside when the weather was nice.  He’s had to have lunch with his teacher and not with his friends etc.  No fun!!!

 

This morning I realized how much all of this has affected him.  My son used to LOVE school.  He used to be excited to go.  He liked the learning.  He liked his friends and he thought his teachers were the cats pajamas.  This morning however, my son was near tears as he told me he did not want to go to school.  I asked why and he said:

“I don’t want to go to school because all I do is get yellow (a bad report) even when I try.”

 

It’s happened.  They’ve killed his spirit.  I don’t think it was intentional but it’s happened none-the-less.  That is the last thing I want for him.  I don’t want him to lose his vibrance, his energy, his creativity, the happy glow that radiates around him, his joy, his love of school.  I need to help him re-build his beautiful lust for life.  It was awful, watching him walk into school this morning with his head down and his shoulders slumped.  I wanted so badly to tell him that he didn’t in fact need to go and that he could stay home with us.

 

I will now get off my ass and push hard to get him an appointment.  I need to give the school a valid reason to back up off him.  To get off his case.  To give him a friggin break.  I know he is smart.  I know he doesn’t mean to be disruptive.  I know he tries but it’s very difficult for him to be like the rest of the kids in the class.

 

It’s only right that he get a fair shake and that reasonable expectations be placed on him.

 

_______________

 

 

 

P.S.  I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last post   sending me support.  It really means a lot to me.  I also need to say thanks to the people who reached out to me behind the scenes to offer not only support but suggestions.  I love you all.  In honour of that I will share with you 2 quick bits of info.

1. Over the weekend Jay very clearly asked me “where is it?”.   I prompted him to say “I want” and he replied filling in the blank and said “I want pig” and I was able to help him find a little plastic pig he was looking for.  It was great.

2. Last night, Jay came and tried to get CC to get off the couch and help him with something.  CC told him to go and ask Ace for help.  Jay said “OK” and ran off to get his big brothers help.  We’d never heard him say “OK” before.  So that was a double win.  He said a new word and followed a new instruction.

 

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11 Responses to “His Beautiful Spirit”

  1. Lisa Says:

    I hate that Ace is not enjoying school. Similar acts occurred with my oldest in 1st grade. I can empathize with what you’re going through. Really. We had the school evaluate Jake this year. They noted attention deficits. They can’t diagnose ADHD, so I, too, had to schedule an appointment with our neuropsych. We go in July. I hope you can get Ace in soon.

    Here’s a hug….and feel free to contact me…anytime.

    And whoohoo for those victories with Jay!

    • Thank you Lisa. I just may reach out to you. His school has told me that their psychologist observed him and suspects that he has ADHD and that I should get him evaluated. He is in kindergarten now and I don’t want him to go into 1st grade with a bad taste in his mouth about school.

  2. solodialogue Says:

    Ooh, that just have broken your heart to hear those words! There will always be times that our kids don’t want to go to school for some reason but it should never be because of this. I’m glad you are going to push for the evaluation for Ace. T just got evaluated for ADHD because he could not stay in his seat, pay attention, and follow directions as well. The eval consisted of a questionnaire I filled out and our neurologist’s np observation (while he was in the appt. he unscrewed her chair back and it fell to the floor – just as she asked what made me think he had ADHD – we both laughed…) Meds for it are tricky. It took us some time to come up with the right stuff for T but it’s been worth it. And you will get Ace there too! Mamas gotta push (sigh). It’s just what we do.

    Really happy that Jay is giving you more words!! Hooray! “Ok” is a big one. Still have not seen that from T! Go Jay!! 🙂

  3. I’m sorry to hear this. We came to that point with my son when he was 3 and he was so miserable and broken from all the failure he was experiencing everyday in preschool. That was the point I knew something else was going on and that if he could do better he would do better. I had no idea what that something might be.
    I hope you don’t think this is overstepping for me to say but I just want to point out that you should be careful with the ADHD diagnosis, I think aspergers gets missed a lot early on and labeled as adhd. My son was involved with preschool special ed services for a year before we got our diagnosis. They all told us they thought he had adhd, no one mentioned autism, in fact, some said that was the one thing they were sure wasn’t going on with him. When we finally got in to see the developmental pediatrician, I am quite sure she knew he had aspergers just from the paper work and it only took her a few quick tests to confirm. We never saw it coming though. I think if we had gone elsewhere and gotten an adhd diagnosis instead we’d be in a lot of trouble today because his issues are actually sensory and executive function based and not attention/hyperactivity based. We would be trying to work on all the wrong things.
    Just my two cents, not making assumptions, obviously I don’t know Ace and I probably couldn’t differentiate the two diagnoses in a kid if I tried. I am sure you already know the right professionals from Jay anyway, but just felt I needed to put it out there. I hope that’s ok.

    • That’s absolutely OK. His school mentioned ADHD, but I personally suspect Aspergers just from all the reading I’ve done b/c of Jay’s autism. I will say I’m a little bit hazy on how to differentiate between the 2 diagnoses. I won’t be surprised either way. For all I know he has both. He certainly matches many symptoms/signs for both of them. Thank you very much for commenting. I really do appreciate all the support and info I’ve gotten from my on-line family.

  4. Michelle Says:

    wow that’s really tough. I have no advice, but I can understand how heart-breaking it is when they don’t go into school happy xxx

    • Thanks Mich. It is tough because I can remember the days when he danced into school everyday and came home bubbling with excitement to tell me all about his day. I wrote a letter to his teacher today asking that she cut him some slack where she can. We’ll see how she responds to it. I really would like to close the school year out on a high note. We have just about 3 months left.

  5. kelly Says:

    There comes a time in every childs life when it seems they are defeated and deflated. With your help and constant encouragement and love he will be back to his shining, bouyant child in no time. There are no greater rewards than the smile, hugs, kisses and words of your little ones.

  6. […] learn the right classroom behaviour from the older kids.  That hasn’t happened.  I thought, his teachers were fed up and were being unrealistic with their expectations of him.  After doing some digging, it […]


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