life on the "j" train

Taking a "busy working mom with 2 special needs kids" life one moment at a time

Blues and Reds June 15, 2012

Filed under: Life on the Jay train — the jay train @ 10:59 am
Tags: , , , ,

There have absolutely been lots of highs but overall, Ace has had a really difficult year at school.  I’m ready for it to be over.  But the school year coming to a close won’t fix things.  He’ll have to go back there in September.

 

I’m not sure why but as the school year comes to an end, his behaviour seems to be getting more and more unmanageable for his teachers.  CC says his daily report looks like a  bag of skittles.  Yellows and Blues and Reds.  All meaning that he didn’t have a good day.  Blues and Reds being the absolute worst.  We’re not seeing these extreme behaviours at home but everyday we get reports of him having to sit and eat lunch with his teachers instead of with his friends because he’s in punishment.  We hear that they have been practicing for graduation next week and he is very disruptive.  Falling off his chair, talking, rolling around on the floor etc.  He’s extra silly all the time.  They have to physically remove him from the group and put him to stand off to the side just so the other children can get through their routines.  Yesterday the news came that they may take him out of the graduation play all together because he simply will not pay attention or listen or follow instructions and he’s very distracting to the other children.

 

I feel completely out of my league in dealing with this.  I want to do something to make him stop.  I want to tell him something that will make him “get it”.  I want to punish and threaten him into sitting still.  I want to hug him and have him tell me why he does these things so that I can do something to help him.  I want him to be happy but I also want him to conduct himself appropriately and I want his teachers to see the same boy that I see.  I don’t want my kid to be the bad kid in the class.  I don’t want to go to the graduation ceremony and watch everyone elses kid perform while mine sits it out.

 

CC thinks the bottom line is that Ace has no fear (respect) for his teachers so he thinks he can do anything he wants.  They are very nice so when they give him an inch he takes 3 miles.  CC completely rules out that Ace’s ADHD has anything to do with his behaviour at school.  He thinks Ace knows exactly what he’s doing and he just thinks it’s funny to be the class clown.

 

I worry that there’s more to it than that.

I’m so confused.  I’m worried.  I’m tired.  I’m a little embarrassed that the teachers keep having to have these conversations with us and all we can say is “we don’t know what to tell you.”  I’m mad at myself that I don’t feel strong and empowered and that all I can see is that it won’t be much longer before we’re doing medication trials and errors on my sweet little boy.  I don’t know what to do.  I feel like I’m failing him.

Advertisements
 

8 Responses to “Blues and Reds”

  1. I bet there are quite a few changes in the school routine as the end-of-year approaches. I’m sure that complicates matters.

  2. Lisa Says:

    ((Hugs)) It is so, so hard when we see our children’s struggles and are at a loss. You are not failing him. You will figure it out…just takes some time.

    I will say that Tate often relies on silly/class-clown/charmer behavior to get him through situations that are very difficult for him because he doesn’t know how to cope with anxiety or transitions. He can’t do what his peers are doing for whatever reason (sensory overload/motor planning/processing/etc) so he distracts from that by being silly, et all. So, while CC may be partially right, I agree with you that there may be more..it’s his coping mechanism right now.

    My guess is that Ace is having trouble with the transition from school/kindergarten to summer/first grade. Is there a social worker who can help?

    • Hi Lisa. I’ll reach out to the school and see if there’s a social worker there who can help. I think there’s something at school that’s throwing him off and this is a coping mechanism. I know it’s hard for parents to see the “badness” in their kids but I really don’t think he means to give trouble. Thanks as always for the comment. I really appreciate all you guys for helping me through this.

  3. cathmae Says:

    So stressful for all concerned. It is all sounding very ADHD to me. I know that in school, staff do not always feel they have the option of ignoring misbehavior, but often that is the best response, especially when combined with giving extra attention to desired behaviour. This may sound a bit off the wall… but could they call on Ace a couple of times a day when “clowning” is needed? This approach turns a “problem” on its head and treats it as a strength, which allows us to build on a positive and go from there. Hang in.

  4. have you thought of requesting a functional behavioral assessment (FBA) for him? They have to do it if a parent makes the request, though I don’t know if you have to have an IEP first. We had it done for my guy this year. It’s supposed to be someone independent of his daily schooling, like the social worker, we had the autism specialist do it. They observe him over weeks and chart the behaviors and what happened before and after that may be leading him to it, then develop a behavioral plan around the findings.If this is happening at school and not at home that means something and even if CC is right and he does it because he doesn’t respect the teachers authority then that is an answer that needs to be planned around. How are they going to address him in a way that makes the expectations clear to him because current circumstances aren’t working for him.

    • Thank you for that. Without you other moms I really wouldn’t know what steps to take.

    • Sara Says:

      I was going to say something similar!

      Big hugs to you, my friend – you are not failing. We are doing all we can.
      Get the school on board to help. See a developmental pediatrician on your own, too, if you want to. Get him evaluated and then consider the options once you’ve got them in front of you.

  5. solodialogue Says:

    I think there is a little bit of three factors going on (1) school is changing and Ace is nervous; (2) ADHD; and (3) he likes to be silly and that is comforting to him. This mixture is always going to equal the red and blues. You know him best. What will work? Less stimulation? Maybe a social story about graduation and what comes next so he feels more prepared. A trip to the doc about the ADHD and like Cathmae said a using of his talent to the benefit of the class in their production. I hope you can figure something out so he can participate with the class. Maybe something that is highly motivating as a positive reinforcer for good cooperation during the class performance will help him self-regulate. I know you’ll figure it out – don’t doubt yourself – go with what you know will work best!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s