Undoubtedly, one of the hardest things for me in parenting Jay is keeping him calm and managing his anxiety. He can very quickly go from being content watching videos on all 3 of the tablets that we own
to jumping happily and carefree on the bed
to grabbing a couple of sheets/blankets and curling up in the fetal position while crying.
Happy Jay is a delight. He’s gorgeous and funny. His laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world. It comes through all his pores. It is honest and sincere and unpolished. It just bursts out of him and IS.
His anxiety is heart breaking. I say all the things that have worked before. I ask him over and over “What happen?” because I know he likes to hear that and it will quiet him for a while. He will hold my face in his hand and say “What happen mummy?” That’s my cue to ask him the question. I never expect an answer. I just want to give him some peace. And it works. After I say it, I can feel him physically relax – just a bit. But then whatever is bothering him, attacks again and he’s back to being on edge. He asks for hugs. He yells. He pushes me away and then pulls me to him when I move. He covers his face and body with as many blankets as he can find. He holds my arms tightly around him and we sit there – together – like that. With me squeezing him and resting my cheek to the top of his head. I give him the only thing I can in that moment. My body as a make-shift shield.
I wish I knew what sets him off at times like this. It’s almost impossible to figure out so I just sit and cuddle and ask “What happen?” as many times as I need to until it passes.
It always passes and then I get my son back. The one who enjoys playing with his brother and will sit and help put together a jig-saw puzzle.