life on the "j" train

Taking a "busy working mom with 2 special needs kids" life one moment at a time

Control Freak March 18, 2013

I’m not a control freak by nature.  Just tell me when and where to show up and I’ll be there.  You need me to do what?  Sure.  I’m also not at all confrontational.  I love a good (friendly) debate, but I’m not aggressive or very competitive.  I’m laid back and easy going and would rather leave people to make whatever assumptions they want, than to speak up.  That hasn’t always served me well – you know, keeping my opinions to myself – but, for better or worse, it’s who I am.

 

I could have written that paragraph at any point in my life, and it would have been universally accurate … until I had children.

 

Now, while as a general rule, I’m still more laid back than pushy, I have become a lot more vocal when I have an opinion.  I am nobody’s wall flower when I see something that needs to be done.  Especially when it comes to Ace and Jay, I am very outspoken and I am very much hands-on with all things.

That’s not to say that CC isn’t a hands on parent … He is.  But I am THE ONE when it comes to their healthcare in particular.  I am the one who knows all the ins and outs and all the nitty gritty.  It’s that way because I have made it so.  I won’t let anything happen unless I’m involved in it.  Again, that’s not to say that CC isn’t capable … He is.  But I am a total control freak when it comes to my childrens lives.  I dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s.

 

That said, next week Ace has a follow-up appointment with his neurologist.  A serious conversation needs to take place regarding him and medication.

He has good days.  He even has stretches of good days, BUT, and this is a big BUT … He’s not improving. Some of the “bad behaviours” (I don’t know how else to describe it) may even be more exaggerated now.  Or at least they seem that way when compared to other children his age.

We have put a lot of accommodations in place for him.  His teachers are doing everything they can.  Truthfully, they do more than is legally required.  We are also doing everything we can at home.  I know he tries. He tries HARD.  None of it is working.

He can’t continue this way.  School is a real struggle and the older he gets and the more difficult the work becomes, the harder it will be for him to keep up.  The other children in the classroom are having a hard time relating to him.  He’s too wild and “crazy“.  Yes, one little boy used that word to describe him.  It hurt to hear it but I can’t be mad at that boy.  Sometimes, the things Ace does, do make him look crazy.

Put plainly and simply … His body and brain need to calm down.

 

I thought about rescheduling the appointment but I’ve already done that a few times – trying to give Ace time to improve – I can’t postpone it anymore.  So, next week Ace has a follow up appointment with his neurologist.  A serious conversation needs to take place regarding him and medication.

I will be out of town so I won’t be there.  CC will attend this one on his own.

 

I’m already on pins and needles about what I’ll be missing but I know I need to accept that CC has this appointment under control.  We are in this together.  We are a team.  He knows his son.  We have the same beliefs about medication.  He can handle this, without me.

 

Besides, even IF, and this is a big IF … they decide that we should try some sort of medication, nothing will happen until I’m back and able to google and research and ask questions and cry and ask more questions and read up and talk to people and make a chart and build a spreadsheet … and then administer it and monitor it hour by hour, minute by minute, my damn self.

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3 Responses to “Control Freak”

  1. Lisa Says:

    Hugs. Sending you prayers. The medication decision is a tough one…

  2. Kim Says:

    I am the same way, nothing happens without me. It’s hard to put that in someone else’s hands, even when it is a completely capable partner. I get you. Good luck.

  3. Michelle Says:

    Hey, I know exactly what you mean about the control, I’m the same, but then we are made from some of the same genes! At least you have CC whom you can trust, he’s there when you need him to be for you and the kids and that’s fantastic as sadly we can’t be everywhere at the same time. I know, I’ve tried! Fingers crossed you can all agree on the next step for Ace. Big hugs xxx


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