I’m totally exhausted.
Just when I can’t take anymore of anything at work, it’s time to go home and … well … yeah.
Fridays don’t bring any relief because weekends at home require me to be “on”. The boys are high energy and they need me. And I want to be there for them. I love having happy times with them.
Just when the weekend has me wiped out (sometimes from lots of fun and sometimes because it was extra hard), it’s Sunday night and I need to prepare for the paying job the next day.
There is never any letting up.
Relentless is the word that comes to mind. But that’s an awful word to use when talking about your life.
Last week was a rough one. This week won’t be much better. Work is busy at this time of the year for me. Throw in the fact that Ace was sick for a few days and I wasn’t feeling my best either. We are all feeling better now but we’re still congested. Jay really hates having a runny nose but he can’t blow strong enough to get it out and he refuses to take any medicine. He’s miserable and I feel sorry for the poor little guy. I do sneak some decongestant into his milk but I can’t put a full dose because he will taste it and then refuse to drink the milk.
The boys had birthday parties to attend on both Saturday and Sunday. They were fun but tiring for me.
Then there are always groceries to buy and clothes to wash and food to cook and games to play and floors to vacuum and toys to fix and Christmas gifts to buy/wrap and scripts to indulge and bills to pay and phone calls to return. There are out-grown clothes to give away and kitty-litter to clean and homework to check and hats to find and socks to match up and hugs and kisses to give and teeth to brush and TV shows to sit and watch because my son asked me to. There are appointments to make and child care to organize and bags to pack and bags to unpack and my sweet boys to love up on and fights to break up and new umbrellas to buy.
These are the times when it most sucks that I don’t have the help of nearby family or friends. It’s such a juggling act trying to be at work (physically and mentally) and also be available for my boys either because they are sick or simply because they have no school. As hard as it is, I do feel like I’m managing – and that’s something – but I want to do better at it all. Just managing doesn’t feel like enough. And yet, it’s all I can do. It’s all I have the time or energy for. I’m only one person.
(This post was not at all the plan for today. But, alas, it’s what came out. Happens sometimes. I guess I needed to say it “out loud”. Tomorrow or later, I’ll write about the birthday parties we attended. That’ll be better. )