life on the "j" train

Taking a "busy working mom with 2 special needs kids" life one moment at a time

New Year. New Chapter. January 3, 2014

Filed under: Family,Marriage — the jay train @ 9:17 pm
Tags: , ,

I’m sitting here with a box of tissues, a glass of wine and trembling fingers.  There’s something that I should acknowledge.  CC and I are not doing well.  So not well that he’s been living somewhere else for the past couple of months.

It’s been incredibly difficult on many different levels.

I never expected to be here.  Wherever here is.  But I know that everybody goes through hard things and that I can and have gone through hard things.  I know I have been lifted up by my friends (the few who knew) and I love them for that.

I do know that me and the boys have been doing the best we can at the times when it’s just us.  I’ve really tried to keep things as normal for them as possible.  We’ve stuck to our routine and we’ve played and we’ve laughed. 

I also know that CC is a good person and a great dad and sometimes it’s not about who’s right or wrong. 

I think I can speak for him when I say that we don’t hate each other and we deserve credit for the way we’ve handled things. 

Sometimes you do your best and … well … it’s not good enough.  You’re not good enough.  Strong enough. 

Sometimes broken things can be mended. 

 

I don’t know what the future holds. I’m scared and nervous about that.  I’m taking one day at a time.  Some days are easier than others.  I’m focusing all my energy on the 2 great loves of my life; Ace and Jay.  They, more than anyone or anything else, are saving me. 

 

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7 Responses to “New Year. New Chapter.”

  1. Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope that things work out for the best, whatever that may be. I may not know you, but I sense that you are a strong woman. You will get through this. Sending you my best.

  2. Lisa Says:

    Oh, Deenie. I am so sorry that you are in such a rough patch. Sending positive thoughts your way…like Cynthia said, you are so very strong…and I know you will come out stronger and will get through this with grace and aplomb. Know that we are here supporting you and those lovely boys. ((Hugs)), my friend.

  3. Deb Says:

    I am so sorry to hear that! I know this must be incredibly hard…keeping you in my thoughts and prayers…

  4. Keep on breathing, it will all “make sense” soon. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and your unsureness, the Universe hears, and you are guided by your higher self. Keep on trusting….

  5. therocchronicles Says:

    Sending you lots of love. I’m so very sorry and I can imagine you are feeling many things. Know that you are strong and brave. Keep breathing, one moment at a time, one step at a time. Xoxoxo

  6. OneLoCoMommy Says:

    {HUGS} I don’t have anything else to say, really.

  7. messymarissa Says:

    Very sorry to hear this but I have confidence that you will be strong and the two of you can figure things out, whatever it is. Always here if you to vent or cry as well. Chin up


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