I’m sitting here with a box of tissues, a glass of wine and trembling fingers. There’s something that I should acknowledge. CC and I are not doing well. So not well that he’s been living somewhere else for the past couple of months.
It’s been incredibly difficult on many different levels.
I never expected to be here. Wherever here is. But I know that everybody goes through hard things and that I can and have gone through hard things. I know I have been lifted up by my friends (the few who knew) and I love them for that.
I do know that me and the boys have been doing the best we can at the times when it’s just us. I’ve really tried to keep things as normal for them as possible. We’ve stuck to our routine and we’ve played and we’ve laughed.
I also know that CC is a good person and a great dad and sometimes it’s not about who’s right or wrong.
I think I can speak for him when I say that we don’t hate each other and we deserve credit for the way we’ve handled things.
Sometimes you do your best and … well … it’s not good enough. You’re not good enough. Strong enough.
Sometimes broken things can be mended.
I don’t know what the future holds. I’m scared and nervous about that. I’m taking one day at a time. Some days are easier than others. I’m focusing all my energy on the 2 great loves of my life; Ace and Jay. They, more than anyone or anything else, are saving me.