Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

Positivity February 8, 2014

They said the outlook was bleak.

They flippantly threw out that one day he may find something he’s particularly good at “like music or something.”

They said he was fine and we just needed to let him watch more TV.

They asked if he was “always like this?”  The “this” was hissed out like snake venom.

They made me feel like I was being overly dramatic or that my ideas were too lofty.

They said he was a waste of their time.

They said I should come pick him up and never bring him back because they couldn’t handle him.

They said I should expect to medicate him in a few years because he would become too bad and too strong for me to control.


THEY were all different people at different times and in different situations over the past 4 years.  They were doctors and therapists and administrators and teachers.  They were the ones who we looked to for help.

None of THEM are still a part of our lives.


I see Jay.

I see him in the morning when I go to wake him up for school.

I see his smile start to play across his gorgeous face.  There is a delicious mischief in that smile and it melts my heart.

I see him playing with his brother. A LOT!  It makes them both happy.

I see him learning to read.  On his own, he read his birthday note from Nanas and he read the following sentence that Ace wrote on the whiteboard: “I love you mom and dad”

I see him caring about his family and trying to do things on his own and feeling remorse when he spills the strawberry mix powder.

I see him loving the snow we’ve been having.  Loving snow ball fights and sledding and touching and tasting and feeling the snow/ice.

I see him enjoying school and having a joyful, fulfilling life!

I see him adding depth and meaning and layers and vibrance to my life.


It is so important to surround yourself with people who make you feel good and strong and positive and supported.

It is so important to only allow into your childrens lives people who feel good about them and see their potential and want the best for them and who value them wholly.


People need hope.  HOPE, as much as love drives people to keep going.  To work hard.  To make the effort.  Feeling like something good will come is necessary.  It may be slow and it may not look like how you thought it would look.  But good will come.

Negative energy is a poison.  It sucks the life out of you.  If allowed to penetrate, it will suck all hope out of your soul.  You can pretend that you are tough and that other people don’t matter but if you are human, that’s a lie.  Stewing in that kind of environment will turn you into a person you don’t want to be and into a person you don’t like.


I know what it’s like to have people who should be your biggest cheerleaders put down your dreams or your ability to achieve them.  I know what it feels like to be around people who never have anything good to say to you or about you or about anyone that you love.  I know what it’s like to be so uncomfortable in someone elses presence, that it makes you physically ill.  I have since cut those people out of mine and my childrens lives.  It was for the best.  They were poison.



There is so much negative information out there about autism and what it will mean for your life and what your childs future will look like.  Within the autism community there is a lot of mud-slinging and fighting about what is the right way to do things.


I don’t get caught up in that.  I find people with whom I feel a kinship.  I find people who make me feel good.  I find people who see the bright side and who cheer for my children and who celebrate our successes and help us to get back up and dust off when we fall.


That’s what life is about.  Not special-needs-kids life.  Just life.

Stick with the people who lift you up.  Recognize them.  Appreciate them.

Help your children to see their own beauty and worth.  Teach them to see the beauty and value in others.


5 Responses to “Positivity”

  1. Saila Namai Says:

    Who are they to determine quality of life.
    Who are they to judge because someone thinks differently.
    Who are they to expect everyone to conform to their definition of normal.
    I see the love you have for your child.
    I see that nothing else is important.
    I see that you have understood.

  2. Ann Kilter Says:

    Yet occasionally the naysayers may tell you something that you need to pay attention to. We needed to know when our daughter mary couldn’t read. That her special ed teachers did not knoe how she could not learn reading through phonics or sight words. These negative things helped us get her autistic classroom placement….where she did learn to read in the 8th grade with an intense combination of sightwords and meaning.

    • Totally agree. I’m not at all looking for anyone to blow smoke you know where. But there’s a way to deliver such news. I just want ppl who genuinely care and will look for ways to make the hard stuff easier and to look for the good stuff too 🙂

  3. Amelia Says:

    Very touching post! My heart goes out to you! Surrounding yourself with people you love and have a positive impact on your life is so important. They are the once who give you strength.

  4. findingcoopersvoice Says:

    This post made me cry. I love it! I feel the same way about my son Cooper. Whether he is diagnosed with Autism or Apraxia or whatever he is still the cutest, sweetest boy in the world. And I need to work to make sure everyone sees that. And not just a diagnosis. Thanks for this post. I love!

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