How many times when dealing with me and my school work and extra-curricular activities did my Grandma feel tired? Or frustrated? Or annoyed?
I have no idea. She must have had her moments. Despite all appearances, she was actually human.
But she NEVER let me know it or feel it. I NEVER heard her complain. I didn’t appreciate it then. I just didn’t think about it. I took it for granted. But it means so much to me now when I think back.
I wasn’t a bad or rude kid … but I wasn’t an eager student. She had to stay on my case about getting my homework done and studying my spelling words and times tables. Oh how I hated times tables. I still can’t recite my 8 times table. Or probably 7 or 9 either. I needed reminding every day to pack my bag for the next day and to shine my shoes. I volunteered (her) for too many things. I was forgetful and I lost things. Lots of things. I hated getting out of bed in the morning and getting my knotty, curly hair combed and I detested taking my vitamins. I mean, come on, they weren’t gummy, they were cod liver oil and such.
Yet, there she was EVERY DAY with a calm, loving energy. I can count on one hand the number of times she yelled at me and I cannot remember one time where she didn’t come through for me.
Yesterday was rough. As the saying goes … “Some days you are the windshield and some days you are the bug.” Yesterday I was the bug.
Work was busy.
I lost an earring and a gift card.
I found out the kids have 3 days off school next week and I have no clue what I’m gonna do cause I’m all out of vacation time. CC is out of vacation days also.
Helping Ace to study for his 3rd grade social studies test was a nightmare. He was frustrated and I was frustrated.
Every time I started to lose my stuffing, I thought about my Grandma and I tried to channel her soothing spirit. I took a deep breath and redirected my thoughts away from the tension and towards the end goal. I don’t want my kids to look back and their main memory is of me yelling at them.
We got through it. We got through the homework and the studying and the dinner and the bath and the teeth brushing and then I spent time indulging them as they browsed the toy catalog and showed me all the things they want for Christmas. We laughed and I dutifully “ooh’d” and “wow’d” at the guns and super heros and trucks and “eww’d” at the “girly” things. We talked about how Halloween was just 2 days away. They’ve been counting down every day since October 1st.
Initially it looked like we were going to have 2 Ninja Turtles, then it seemed there would be just 1 Ninja Turtle and a Green Arrow. There was talk of them being Super Hero Mashers or maybe 2 Batmans (or is it Batmen?) But it seems they have decided on both being Captain America. (Yes, we have all those costumes just lying around. My kids love to play dress up all year long)
It was a nice end to what had threatened to be a really stressful and miserable evening.
Once my loves were in bed, I cleaned up the kitchen, took out the garbage, fed the cat and cleaned his litter box, took a shower and fetched my sewing kit. The Captain America costume that Ace has decided to wear was ripped pretty badly and needed fixing. I sat down and got it done.
By the time I was actually ready for bed, I was EXHAUSTED plus tax.
This morning when Ace noticed that his costume had been fixed, he hugged me and said a huge thank you. It made all the tiredness worth it.
This is my truth. Some days are freaking hard. And some days I just don’t think I have anything left in my tank. Some days I just want a break from everything and everyone.
Then I look at my boys and I think about my childhood and I want to be better. So I switch gears and even though I’m tired, I take out the sewing kit and fix the costume that needs fixing and I’m pleased that I can come through for my son.