CC got remarried so my boys have a new step-mother. I’m in a relationship too and it’s a matter of time before they have a second step-parent. It’s kind of an odd thing speaking to my ex-husband about his new wife and my new partner and possible future (half) siblings for our children. But I love that we can. It’s not awkward or tense at all. We both had our own step-parent relationships. His was ok-ish but not great. Mine was awful. We do not want that for our boys. We are committed to making this life as easy and as smooth and as happy for our children as possible. Where that is concerned we are still very much on the same team.
The boys know that we frequently communicate so they can’t pin us one against the other. They can’t get away with one thing at Moms house that Dad has forbid or vice versa. CC and I send each other pictures if we have the boys and are doing something fun or interesting. We are pleasant when we see each other and we don’t speak badly of each other or each others partners. Whenever possible, we both show up for doctors appointments and parent teacher conferences and the like.
I have made it clear that CC’s wife is always welcome as well. I will never purposely make her feel uncomfortable and I make it clear to the kids that she deserves their respect as much as CC and I do. As far as I know, he does the same on his end. All she has to do for my attitude towards her not to change is be good to my kids.
Don’t get me wrong … We’re not all going on vacation together any time soon. But you know what? I don’t think even that’s totally out of the question.
Down the line if/when there are more graduations or birthday parties or school recitals or weddings or grandchildren, I’d like all of us to be able to share in the joy together. After all, every one of us would have played some role in getting the children to where they are and all of us will feel pride and excitement and want to share in the moment. Whatever that moment is. I wouldn’t want to rob CC or Emma or my person of that.
Additionally we don’t want the boys to feel like they have to choose between having a good relationship with a loving step-parent and making their other parent sad.
I understand that none of this will guarantee a good relationship between my boys and any step-parent they get, but if it’s not good it won’t be because I made things difficult. I believe Ace and Jay will benefit from it if CC and I can maintain this level of respect for each other.
Divorce is not easy. I’m in no way trying to make light of it. The last couple of years have had some really rough patches. Making the decision to introduce new people into your childs life is not easy. I’m certainly no expert, but I do think that there’s a righter way and a wronger way to do it. Sooooo, welcome to our wild, loud, messy, busy, kinda odd, mixed up family Emma. Let’s all do this right.