I hope I’m wiser. I feel wiser in a lot of ways, although there are still times when I feel like I really should have someone wiser-er come and take care of things for me. I celebrated a birthday over the weekend. I’m knocking very loudly on 40’s door. It’s a little weird.
I know technically I’m an adult and I’ve been an adult for many years now, but somehow being 39 and knowing that I’ll be 40 soon makes me feel like I should have this adult thing under control by now. I don’t feel like I have it under control.
It’s not all bad. As I’ve made my way through my 30’s, I do feel emotionally stronger. I’ve let go of a large amount of resentments. I am more inclined to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done without making excuses. I learned that making myself happy is not (in and of itself) a bad thing. I learned, the hard way, that I need to make (A LOT OF) room for things not going according to plan.
I learned that even though I love spending time with my boys and they still need me for many things, it’s ok to say “I need a break”.
For my birthday, I got taken to Ripleys Believe It Or Not – without the children – And it was awesome. I loved how interactive it was. We made our way through the museum at our own pace laughing and eww’ing and omg’ing. We measured our 5’3” selves against the worlds tallest man and we played up and down the musical staircase and we stuck our heads and hands in medieval torture apparatuses. I even threw caution to the wind and rubbed a fertility idol.
Following the museum I was treated to Aladdin on Broadway – Also without the children. Ok, let me just tell you … SOOOOOOOO good.
Following all the birthday celebrations, things have been pretty standard. Studying for time tables tests … and reading 2 books a night … and talking about the difference between boy and girl private parts (yeah, Ace is heading towards 10 and I’m freaking out a little bit) … and saying things that I never thought I’d ever have to say such as “No Jay, that’s gross. You can’t rinse your toothbrush in the toilet.” Needless to say he got a new toothbrush.
I’m gonna try to make this last year before the big 4-0 a good one on all counts. I’m gonna try to be a good Mom and partner and worker and sister and daughter and cousin and niece and friend; because I think the main thing I’ve learned in all my years, is that life goes by really quickly; And it’s way too short and unpredictable to hold on to grudges or to generally not be nice, supportive, caring and loving.