Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

The Happy Depressive – Confession August 11, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 9:53 am

I have a tendency towards being depressed.

I am mostly optimistic and “glass half full” and cheery.

I am not and have never been suicidal – But I understand people who are.

I know that’s a dark thing to say.  I’m just keeping it all the way real.

 

When I am in my down mood, I recognize it for what it is.  It’s not me reacting to something bad that happened.  It comes out of nowhere and there’s no explanation for it.  I don’t really worry though.  I know the things I am feeling are not real and that they will pass.  I am patient with myself.

But it doesn’t make it any less real in the moment.

 

Lately, I’ve been in one of my down moods.  There’s no legitimate reason for it.  I know that.  I feel blah and tired and I wonder what the point of all this is.

 

I can still have fun in the midst of these feelings.  Partly, it’s me forcing myself to do what’s necessary or expected, as in, work related things or family functions.  I have mastered that.  Partly, it’s that I’m genuinely having fun, as in, driving in a convertible with my love or laughing with friends or talking on the phone with my boys and hearing about all the pizza they’re getting to eat.

 

I don’t mind feeling sad.  That’s a weird thing to say.  But it’s true.  I like the quiet and solitude of it.  I like being in my own sensitive feelings – by myself.  I like the tightness in my chest.  It’s like I can feel every heart beat.  That makes me feel extra alive.

I like listening to sad songs and driving in the heat without the AC and falling into bed before 8pm.  It all feels soul healing.  Rejuvenating.

I know — It’s all a contradiction.

 

I’m looking forward to this weekend.  I’m ready for some quiet time at home.  I’m ready to put things back where they belong; (we’ve been traveling for the past 2 weeks or so).  I’m ready to spend some quality wife time with Shaunee.  We can go to the movies (which I like) and we can go out to eat (which I like) and we will go rock climbing (which I like).  It will be good.

Good.

 

I don’t need help.  I know what I need to do.

I just need to go through it.  I just need to wait … and feel.

The other side always, always, awaits in a couple (or a few) days.

 

Today is a good day.  The tide has turned.

I am happy.

 

Advertisements
 

5 Responses to “The Happy Depressive – Confession”

  1. Lisa Says:

    I truly understand this. Enjoy your weekend at home…and I’m glad you are feeling better.

  2. I am like you; usually I’m upbeat and the glass half-full but I too battle clinical depression. There’s no real reason it can hit me hard with no warning. Glad you (we) can recognize it and do the things we need to do. Praying for you ❤️

  3. For me, depression creeps in as sheer exhaustion. It’s the days when I need a nap by 10 am, and I barely make it through the day. Or things are so tough that I fantasize about plowing my car into the massive tree instead of turning the wheel to follow the curve in the road. But I know I would never actually do this. Fortunately those times pass, and I know it. And as I do energy healing, depression seems to visit less and less often. My thoughts are with you.

    • Thanks for sharing. I understand all you said. The exhaustion, the fantasies (but knowing they are just that) and the recognition that it will pass. From my heart to yours … All good wishes.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s