In my marriage we support each other. We cheer each other on. We offer a shoulder. We both have 9 to 5’s and we share the household chores. We drop kids off at school and we check homework and we figure out what’s for dinner each night. We have disagreements and we can never decide what to watch on TV. One loves coffee and cake and that same one hates yogurt. One has food allergies and that same one carries an asthma inhaler. We have inside jokes and random things that bring back warm fuzzy memories to us would mean nothing to anyone else. We talk about bills and taxes and we share a bank account. The kids know who they should ask depending on what it is they want. We each have our own sensitivities and our own strengths and our own interests. We have some of the same sensitivities and strengths and interests. We get on each others nerves at times but mostly we like each other and like spending time together. We wonder if we should have one more kid. We wonder when we will go on our next vacation. We enjoy a glass of wine here and there.
We are neither special nor strange.
We are like all married couples. We are like you. And you. And you. We’re just trying to get the kids to bed on time and clean up the mess in the kitchen and remember to water the plants. We are trying to find a babysitter so we can have a rare night out and we are searching the basement closet for some wrapping paper. We have no idea where the other foot to all the socks are. We share stories about our co-workers and we complain about our families. We step on Legos and we curse the fools who invented toy megaphones because inevitably that is the toy the kids choose to play with at 6am on a Saturday morning. We are nice to each other. We care about each others feelings. We are not disrespectful even in anger. One irons the others work clothes the evening before and one puts gas in the others car. We gripe about our weight (well, I do) and we’re still trying to figure out which one of us should really be in charge of plunging the toilet when the boys clog it up. (Neither wants the job). We gladly offer up the last (and always most delicious) bite of the thing we were just eating but complain when someone takes the first sip of our drink without asking.
Like I said: Neither special nor strange.
We are multi-dimensional beings in a multi-dimensional marriage. Going through all the same things as everyone else. Struggling with all the same things as everyone else. Finding joy in the same things as everyone else.
We have to work at keeping our love strong and our lives happy and healthy. We have to make effort everyday to not take each other for granted. We make fun of each other and are affectionate to each other.
Above all, we are a team. We truly are best friends. We appreciate each other and what each adds to this equation.
I know in my marriage we are both women and in most others there is one woman and one man but I don’t know why people like to reduce us to what happens in our bedroom. I don’t know why people care so much or are so angry about what they assume happens there. Like all married couples, we spend less time there than we do out in the world. What happens there is private – Just as what happens in yours is private.
Can I make certain assumptions about what I think is happening in my bosses bedroom? In my friends own? My sisters? How about in my pastors? Of course I can. Might I get some of it right and some of it way wrong? Probably. Is it my business? Does it help me to know if any of them are decent people? Does what you do in your bedroom, or who you do it with, make you a better friend to me or daughter to your mom or employee?
NOT ONE BIT!