Some kids mature faster than others – That’s not news.
If I look back honestly on my own childhood, I do believe I was a fairly easy child to raise in many ways. I was a talker for sure, but I didn’t talk back. I wasn’t destructive or defiant or a liar. I was polite. I excelled at entertaining myself through reading or playing with dolls or attempting arts and crafts projects. I pulled good grades and kept good company. I was dutiful as the granddaughter of a public official when we either hosted or attended official functions.
That said, I also don’t think I was particularly mature mentally.
Among the many things that Ace has inherited from me – That’s one of them. Overall, he’s a good kid; But, he’s not the most mature for his age. That can be good in that he’s holding onto his innocence and we all know that it can hurt once you realize that the world is not a nice place – but it can also be frustrating as a parent when you feel like you are constantly correcting behaviours that your child should have outgrown due to natural maturing.
This is something that we have been working really hard at over the last couple of years … Breaking Ace out of some of his more childish (?) interests and ways of thinking or acting. We have upped the “tough love” and we talk excessively about how he’s becoming a man and he’s not a baby anymore. We remind him that he’ll be in middle school later this year.
For me, it’s one of the more difficult aspects of parenting. I don’t want to be hard on him. It’s not my natural tendency. I am the soft landing. The nurturer. The boo boo kisser. I also recognize much of him in my younger self so I understand how he feels – But I wish if someone had tried to help me instead of leaving me unprepared for adulthood.
Recently, we told him he could not do something. He was not happy about it.
Later that evening he said the following:
“Mom, can you sit down please. I’d like to talk to you. I know you said no (to that thing earlier) but I don’t understand why. I really don’t see how anything bad could come of it. Can you please explain to me what the problem is.”
It was such a grown up thing for him to say and I was really proud of the way he handled it. I sat and we talked and I got him to see it my way. I even shared a story about something similar that I went through when I was in high school. Me sharing my own stories like that help him to understand that we are not being hard for the sake of it and help to show him that we do understand where he’s coming from but we have some added knowledge based on life experiences that he doesn’t yet possess.
There was no attitude or raised voices or pouting or shutting down.
We hugged it out and I breathed in his freshly bathed scent. It’s not easy raising a sweet little boy clad in snow man pj’s to be a strong, confident, adult man of integrity. So often I wonder if we are getting it right. So often I feel like I’m not the right person for the job. Every so often, I feel like we will all be ok.
Life On The B Side 