Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

A Catching Up Of Sorts October 24, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 12:45 pm

I’ve tried to write this post a few times – It never felt quite right so I backspaced through all the letters that made up all the words.

 

What I’ve been trying to say is that I’ve been enjoying being the parent of an almost teenager.

I don’t know how long this feeling will last.  Maybe once he’s an actual teenager he will become insufferable.  But, now, at 11, I’m loving all things Ace.  He’s really just such a good kid.  And we can have more grown up conversations.  And he is pretty independent.  But he still loves reading to me.  And we can laugh at inappropriate things together.  And he’s getting good grades.  And he avoids “bad company”.  I just think he’s awesome.

 

I also have been wanting to say that Jay has been kinda moody lately.  Lots of whining.  And brooding.  And attitude.  But then lots of laughing.  And wanting to spend time with me.  And being silly.  And then we’re back to grumpy again.  And disagreeable.  And complainy.  He’s pulling decent enough grades but there was a note on his interim report about needing to be more organized and needing to do a better job of listening and following instructions.   I am pretty patient in general.  Shaunie less so.  “What is it?” she asked me recently, after he acted the hell out with the tutor.  “Is it his autism or is he just acting like a {bleep} ?”  I just don’t know.

 

I do know that Ace has become awfully interested in the human body and in how it works and in how things get diagnosed and/or fixed.  He’s now confused about whether he wants to be a NASA scientist/engineer/astronaut or a doctor.  I told him I’d support whatever he chose.  I love that his mind is expanding and exploring.

 

These days Jay is all about the video game Roblox.  And his art.  And Roblox.  And Garfield.  And Roblox.  And making money off his art.  And Roblox.

 

We will have a 4 year old staying with us for a week while his parents take a trip.  It’ll be cool – and fun – I think.  But I was reminded yesterday that he still needs help in the bathroom.  I haven’t missed those days.  lol.

 

This year our Christmas shopping list is pretty short.  8 people; 4 of which are children.  Oh, and yeah, we’re already done with our shopping.  Boom!  Unless – Am I supposed to buy Christmas presents for my ex-husbands children with his current wife?  I mean, they are my sons sisters.   What’s the protocol?  If so, then I guess we’re not quite done.

 

Lastly, lemme just say how grateful I am that we found our tutor/babysitter.  This raising kids thing is not a one person job.  Or even a two person job.  It takes a team.  Friends, family, teachers and BABYSITTERS.  Cause we love the boys but the Moms need some time to do adult things too.  I don’t mean to make anyone jealous or anything but … we got tickets.  To go to a show.  Today.  Yeah, A Tuesday.  Cause we wanted to and we could.  Since we’re adults.  Don’t ask me anything about it till at least Thursday though cause all day tomorrow I’ll be tired – but we ‘re not gonna talk about that.

 

Just like we don’t talk about the new gray hair I found while combing my hair this morning and the fact that I kinda lied to my son about what year I was born in.

It wasn’t my fault.  He was talking to me about Garfield (the cartoon cat) and he said:  “Mom, Garfield is old.  He was first created in 1978.  That’s even older than you!”

Except it’s NOT older than me.   But I didn’t correct the boy.  I just smiled and nodded.  So it wasn’t so much a lie as it was an omission kinda sorta.

Whatever!  I’m going out tonight for a mid-week date.  So there.

 

And I know I said “lastly” like 3 paragraphs ago.  Just go with it.  Ace comes by his constant talking honestly.

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#MeToo October 16, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 2:14 pm

This will be a short post.

 

It’s been heart breaking to read all the #MeToo ‘s that are online now.

 

It makes me angry that so many women and girls have been through this and it makes me realize how amazing so many of us are that we are able to hold our heads up and handle our business and do the damn thing where our jobs and education and children and spouses and homes and hobbies and friends are concerned despite all the painful and difficult things we’ve experienced – often silently and alone.

 

#MeToo

 

Many years later, it’s still fresh.  I can still feel the icky’s from the first time.

And I can still feel the hotness in my belly at the more recent.

 

Mine have been mild when compared to others … And if I feel the way I feel, I cannot imagine what others are feeling or have gone through emotionally.

 

My heart is with you all and if anyone ever wants to talk – I’m here.  I’m just an email away.

nadibee@gmail.com

 

That is all.

xo

 

My Brain is Fried – And Tired October 3, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 12:55 pm

The same exact people will say ALL of the following.  It’s enough to give anybody whiplash.

 

We want the freedom to own/carry any guns we want.  I mean, it’s just not fair that you should take away my rights.

You though, have no freedom to kneel during anthem.  That’s disrespectful.  And your rights over your own body and over who you can marry, I’ll take those away.  Thanks.

Just do your job and leave your politics out of it.  We especially don’t want to hear from singers, actors or comedians.  Except if you are KISS or Stacy Dash or any other celebrity who shares my opinion.   I’ll even allow Joy Villa, a nobody who wants to be a celebrity, to share her opinion because she’s on my side.

Oh and by the way, it’s all good for city clerks to not do their jobs and refuse to give out marriage licenses.

Yay, the American flag, the American flag, the American flag!!!  Patriotism!!!

Because, people died for you to have freedom.

Just don’t exercise that freedom they fought for you to have.

I mean, you can exercise it, just not in public, or on the job (even though it didn’t prevent you from doing your job), and not while in high school or while performing at your own show or on your own social media or anywhere else for that matter where it might be visible.

Also, yay for the confederate flag, even though it only exists because they hated America so much that they decided to wage war against it and leave to form their own country.  We don’t think that’s unpatriotic at all.

Also, saying Black Lives Matter is a problem.  Not because I’m racist, but because All Lives Matter.

But we can say Police Lives Matter.

Also, it makes sense that we can say “Pray for Las Vegas”.  No need to say “Pray For All Cities.”

As far as gun control goes, it’s silly to think that laws will make a difference.  But let’s make laws against things like abortion.  Oh yeah, we gotta save the babies.  Babies and Guns.  They are my life.

Oh yes, and the Bible.  The Bible says this and that – Which I will use to justify whatever I feel and will also use to make laws that affect you whether you believe in (that part of) the Bible or not.

I’m just gonna go ahead and ignore the parts of it that don’t fit conveniently into my personal prejudices/lifestyle though.

I will also claim to vote based on Biblical reasoning’s but will choose a candidate who has not shown any tendency towards living a Godly life with his many cheatings (in business and in marriage) and divorces and abuse and lies and foul language and lack of empathy.  But yay for saving the unborn babies and persecuting the gays (which he only started saying when he wanted my vote.)

And let’s not forget, we need to build that wall to keep out all the bad Mexicans and we need to ban all Muslims and refugees while we stay silent on the white people who shoot up places such as schools, movie theatres and concerts.

But the good news is that things are going to be totally different now that 45 is in power.  That’s why we voted for him.  Woohoo, change.  What do you mean 45 did something bad?  So what?  Democrats did that too.

Drain the swamp.  He’s so good at choosing the right people for the right positions.

Many of his people had to quit because they turned out to be bad?  I know he chose them, but he’s showing real leadership by firing them.  Oh wait, he didn’t fire them?  They quit?  Still.  Woo hoo.

 

45 on the London attack the minute it happened, without knowing any of the facts:  “Another attack in London by a loser terrorist. These are sick and demented people … Must be proactive! The travel ban into the United States should be far larger, tougher and more specific!”

 

45 on the Las Vegas shooter (via Sarah Sanders):  “It would be inappropriate to make any kind of comment until we have all the facts. Now is not a time for politics. Now is a time to grieve and a time to come together.”

 

His supporters:  Sounds good to me.  No hypocrisy there at all.  Damn Democrats politicizing this tragedy.  How awful of them.

You guys are just too soft.  With your bleeding hearts.  You are snowflakes.

45 was justified to lash out at the cast of Hamilton and SNL and the Emmy’s and anybody who says anything remotely unflattering about him no matter how petty it is even though there are important issues he should be focusing his energy on.

Hillary used insecure email server.  LOCK HER UP!!!

Jared and Ivanka and whoever else, also used insecure email server.  *crickets*

 

Fun But Tiring Weekend September 25, 2017

It started out on Friday evening with me asking which game they wanted to play.  We decided on a thimble, a car, a cat and dog.  Yup, Monopoly.  It was our first time playing non-junior monopoly as a family and it was pretty good.  We had a couple moments of disagreement about whether something was legal or not and we had someone (NOT ME – lol) who was very gassy, but we laughed a lot which is always my favourite thing.  Jay needed some help with his money math but that was ok.  In the end, even though Ace and I kinda partnered up to take Shaunie and Jay down, those darn railroads did me in.  My last 3 rolls landed me on railroads and cost me $200 a pop.  In the end the Ace/Deenie team lost by about $400.

 

On Saturday we spent the morning hanging out at home and doing some cleaning and tidying.  We also, finally – after FOUR delivery attempts – got our full couch.  We’ve been living with half a couch for about a month because they keep coming with 2 of the same side.

At around 4pm, we arrived at 6 flags in Maryland.  Ace and I had a good time going on rides and Jay had a good time forcing Shaunie to go on rides.  (She’s not a ride lover).  We drove go karts and the kids and I did a bungee drop thing.  It was the first day of fright fest, and I expected it to be a little scary but it wasn’t at all.  If you wanted to be scared you have to pay more to go into the haunted houses.  We opted out because they said it’s not recommended for kids under 13.  In a couple years, we’ll try again.

We spent Saturday night with everyone’s fave – Aunty Juddles.  The adults stayed up till the early hours of the morning talking and laughing and it was nice.

 

On Sunday we attended my jobs annual Family Picnic.  They really did a great job of making it fun for the kids.  Rock wall and zorb ball and mechanical shark (instead of bull), petting zoo, pony rides, bouncy castles, gladiator battle zone, carnival games with prizes, face painting, ice-cream truck, snow cones, cotton candy … you name it.  For the adults, there was an open bar.

 

We got home at around 5 pm and by 7:30 everyone was ready for bed.  Shaunie and I managed to stay up long enough to watch one episode of a show.  It was good and we’re looking forward to watching another tonight.

 

And now, here we are.

Even though they went to bed so early, I still had to wake Ace up this morning.  As we were brushing teeth this morning getting ready for work, I said to Shaunie:  “Another early night for everyone tonight?”  She eagerly agreed.  That one night of decent sleep was not enough to adequately recuperate from the weekend.  But it was fun and definitely worth it!

 

How was your weekend?

 

Phone Calls September 6, 2017

Last week Thursday I got a phone call.

It was not a call that I wanted to receive.

My Aunt had been hospitalized.

I was sad and worried – But mostly concerned about her and her comfort.

I spent the weekend either calling or anxiously waiting to receive a call to get updates.

Good news! – She was treated and released.

I am still worrying because I know she will not follow the doctors orders to relax.  It’s not who she is.

It’s hard being an immigrant and living in a different country from your loved ones and not having easy access to help them.

 

Last week Friday I got a phone call.

It was not a call that I anticipated.

The boys step mom was in the hospital – Getting ready to have her babies.

That call altered/canceled any plans we had.

We had to go pick my boys up late at night and prepare a bed for them.

I got to see them sooner than I expected which made my heart happy.

Good news! – Everyone is doing well and my sons now have twin sisters which they are very excited about.

The new mom is an immigrant and all her family live in another country.  I’m sure that’s not easy for her.  I hope she gets the support she will need; one way or the other.

 

Last Sunday I made a call that I did not want to make.  911.

Shaunies Grandma needed to be taken to the hospital.

We were scared and worried.

We had to cancel plans to attend an engagement party/bbq for good friends and instead spent the weekend making sure that she was as comfortable as possible.

Good news! – She was treated and released.

We still worry because she’s home alone quite often and is not good about letting someone know when she’s not feeling well.

If necessary we are only a 4 1/2 hour drive away.

“Only” is relative when it’s your Grandma who you love more than anything and she needs you.

 

Last Sunday was Ace’s birthday.

We made the best of it – Even though much of it was spent at a hospital – And we had to cancel plans for him to see Nanas.

Shaunie brought home a cake just as the kids were going to bed but they were allowed to stay up and have some.

We made a plan to take him to an amusement park.  His choice of an activity.

He received calls and messages from family and friends near and far.

He received more cash gifts than ever before and more gifts yet are on their way.

I expected him to hear from all the people who should love him – and he did hear from most – but there was one phone call that never came.  That message was received loud and clear.

I am disappointed but he’s fine.  He knows who his family is and that it often has nothing to do with blood.

 

Is August Over Yet? August 15, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 5:18 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

This August has been rough.  And we’re barely half way through.

There have been a lot of things causing stress, not the least of which was the moving situation.  The thing is, even as we started packing and bought school supplies, we didn’t know where we were going to live.  Our current home owner decided to sell and that left us scrambling to find somewhere new.  Should we rent again?  We know the area now and have a good idea of what we like and where we would or would not want to be.  So then, should we buy?  But it felt rushed and we didn’t want to settle.  It was difficult to find somewhere that was in our price range and that was in decent condition and that kept the boys in their current school zone.  With each day passing that we didn’t have a new place, time was moving more quickly.  I got more and more stressed out.  I laid awake at night wondering if we’d be homeless and worrying that we’d have to move to a different town and uproot the boys all over again.  I don’t handle lack of sleep well.  I’ve always been a good sleeper and I’ve always needed 8 hours to feel my best.  9 are better.

We have now found a place, in our price range, and no changes need to be made regarding the boys schooling.  Whew!

 

While that was all going on, Shaunie was preparing for a business trip.  It was looking like a real possibility that she would leave before we secured a new place to live so I would be left to do it all alone.  Adding to the fun was that there were internal issues with her travel plans which were causing her a lot of stress.

I am still left to do most of the packing by myself.

 

Then there were things like the Charlottesville protests.  I have so much I want to say about it.  I’m hurt and angry and disappointed and disgusted and scared.  I’m disappointed in a handful of people for not checking in to see how or if we were affected by the protests since they know we live in Virginia.  I’m hurt by the people who say they love me and my family but won’t say anything about the Nazi salutes or the violence that was perpetrated by those a-holes.  They had a lot to say about the black lives matter riots and about Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the anthem and in defense of police though.

I’m angry that we are dealing with this crap at all.  I live in a country where the President lashes out at people ALL THE TIME over trivial things but then when things like what happened in Charlottesville happen, he keeps his mouth shut until he can’t stand the pressure anymore so he makes a weak statement (days later) blaming “both sides” and to add insult to injury he then says:  “When I make a statement, I like to be correct. I want the facts.”  As if that’s been his M.O. so far.  I just CANNOT with him or his supporters.

I’m disgusted with people who are not white, actually defending the white supremacists – claiming “freedom of speech needs to be awarded to everyone even if you disagree with them.”   Here’s the thing though, freedom of speech does not extend to speech that incites violence or to actions that lead to the extermination of entire groups of people.  That’s common sense to me, but it also legally defined and has already been decided by the supreme court.  Nazi flags and salutes are considered hateful and inciteful.  If you are endangering people with the things you say and the actions that you hope will come out of the things you say, that’s not covered by our beloved first amendment.  And to the ones who say that people who support “black lives matter” but not “white lives matter” are hypocrites, come close and listen up:

 

#ONLYwhitelivesmatter is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from #blacklivesmatterTOO

 

The words “only” and “too” may not be in the hashtags but they are very clearly there in meaning.

I’m scared for my sons because they are cute, sweet little boys now, but every day that goes by, they are one day closer to being adult men.  Black adult men.  These same fools who went to protest waving their confederate flags and holding their hands up in Nazi salutes with torches burning are the people my sons will have to deal with.  They are neighbours and teachers and police men and loan officers and landlords and bosses and jurors and the fathers of girlfriends.  My boys don’t deserve that.

They certainly don’t deserve the silence of the very people who they will expect to have their backs and who they will turn to for support.

 

 

Thankfully, there were other moments in August as well.  Moments filled with love and laughter.   Moments of dancing and celebrating a newly wed couple.  Moments of spending time with family who are visiting from The Cayman Islands.

 

Thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with someone who, 24 years ago, (and for nearly 10 years) was one of my closest friends.  I am very happy about that.

 

In the next couple of weeks, I’ll get to do more hanging out with loved ones.  I’ll spend a few days in a state I’ve never been to before which I always appreciate.  I have to finish up my packing and then there’s middle school open house and the actual move.  We will make the drive up to New Jersey for an engagement party and to pick up the kids.  Then it’ll be September and back to school and hopefully, back to some semblance of peace and normalcy.

 

And/Both August 10, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 5:41 pm
Tags: ,

Newsflash – A person can feel 2 seemingly opposite things AT THE SAME TIME. 

I don’t know why we have set up this world to be so black and white.  (pun not intended) 

Everything now-a-days is this OR that.  Check one box.  

Do not believe this dichotomy.  It is not the truth.

The truth is that for a great many things you can do and feel BOTH, or more than 2 even.  The magic word is AND, and it’s real.  

 

You can miss your children till your heart hurts AND still be happy that they are getting to spend time away from you.

You can be personally pro-life AND be pro-choice for other people.

You can have problems AND not broadcast them online.

You can love the summer AND the winter. 

You can be a man AND be a feminist.  

You can want your own rights protected AND want those same rights extended to others.  

You can be mad that one lunatic is trying to start a war with another lunatic AND be entertained by Usher spreading herpes to Quantasia. 

You can disagree with a law AND carry out the duties of your job as described by the law AND try to get that law changed. 

You can support the police AND want them to treat everyone fairly and justly.

You can love someone AND know they are not good for you so you walk away.

You can have mixed race heritage AND recognize your privilege AND sympathize with the pain that half of your identity experiences.  

You can wish if your child/sister/uncle was straight AND support them and their marriage and their rights. 

You can want smaller government/less entitlements AND understand that there needs to be room for compassion.

You can love your Church AND want there to be separation between the Church and the State. 

You can not understand something AND understand that your lack of understanding doesn’t mean it is invalid. 

You can disagree with someone AND fight for their right to have that opinion. 

You can love and be a proud citizen of two different countries.  

You can enjoy gangster rap AND country AND pop AND jazz AND rock AND show tunes AND swing AND motown AND classical. 

You can want your loved one to keep fighting and to let nature takes its course AND understand them wanting to die with dignity at a time and place of their choosing. 

Your grief and worries and need for help can be totally valid AND you can be fully aware that there are people who have it worse than you. 

You can be a non-smoker AND actually like the smell of cigarettes.

You can love your country and its flag and its anthem and all the success it offers you AND harmlessly protest. 

You can be a good football player/actor/student/accountant/doctor/painter AND be socially conscious. 

You can love something or someone so deeply that it hurts you to see them not being their best AND so you try to change certain aspects of how they are.  

 

 

 

As far as I’m concerned … Here are some of the things you cannot do and get my backing:

 

Say you love your children but show no interest in anything they do.

Make broad negative claims about an entire group and then say “except you” to the one person you know who is a member of that group.

Want to lose weight but keep eating the same things you ate to get fat while not increasing your physical activity.

Say you are pro-“life” but show no regard for the lives once they are born.

Use words like “pacific” when you mean to say “specific” and not get laughed at.  

Abuse your power without expecting people to resist. 

Be transgender and want to be treated with respect but then go on Ellen’s show and say you don’t believe in marriage equality because you’re a traditionalist.  

Arrogantly tell parents they are wrong and that they should breast feed only or co-sleep or limit screen time or not vaccinate (etc) and expect them to listen to you – Especially if you have no children. 

Say you are not racist but forbid your daughter from dating a black man.  

Call yourself a good person if you are a provoking, racist, mean-spirited jerk online. 

Take food into a bathroom without it being gross.

Expect your children to do as you say and not as you do.  (They are watching and learning)

Blame other people for all your problems. 

Be a hairdresser but have a bad hair day everyday.

Take take take without giving. 

Treat people as though they are beneath you because you make more money than they do and still consider yourself a Christian.

Complain about being broke but everyday you’re at the mall shopping. 

Protect a child molester through your silence and carry no responsibility when he molests another.  

Excuse away rampant poor behavior with “that’s just how she is” or “he didn’t mean it that way” or “but you kind of brought it on yourself when you …”

Rehabilitate a pedophile/rapist/serial killer.

Be proud of your book smarts but be unwilling to learn something from someone with less letters behind their name than you.

Want me to suddenly become a morning person or to stop singing or to gain a green thumb. 

Tell your friends all the problems you have in your marriage then expect them not to hold it against your spouse.  

Think you have it all figured out. 

 

 

*Clearly this list is not exhaustive*