Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

Being An Ally June 8, 2018

Filed under: Family,Life on the Jay train — The B Side @ 3:14 pm
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*Language warning. If you’re offended by curse words, stop reading.*


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I saw this on Twitter and added the comment – “Not just the cake. All vendors/services.”



The other day, via text message, I received a bit of a rant from a friend. A straight friend.


I’m so over this wedding cake case. Fucking religion. When I hear people start with it, I have to restrain myself. If you are using it for good, then fine, but what infuriates me is all the awful things they use it to justify. If they want a cake, and you are in the cake business, bake them a cake. They want a room, and you are in the hotel business, rent them a room. Why is any of that subject to your belief system? They want to be married and are of consenting age, give them a license. I get so goddamn angry. Because if you’re the worst person on earth but you’re straight, step right up. What will you be having today? Marriage, cake, adoption?

Fuck outta here. It’s indefensible.

I asked a religious friend of mine who I know is against gay marriage due to the fact that “it’s a sin”, if there was any action/sin that a straight man/woman could commit that would make him say they shouldn’t be allowed to get married to someone who also wanted to marry them.  He said no.  I had to laugh. Then I said, so only homosexuality is a problem? He said he had never really thought about it that way but no there isn’t any sin that would disallow marriage if a man and a woman wanted to get married.


After reading through his messages, I replied with:  “Yup, that’s how it is.  They’d rather the gay man, lie (which is also a sin) and pretend to be something he’s not and marry a woman. Then they can live unhappily ever after.”


It’s imbecilic” was his final comment.



Recently, another friend of mine asked if I wanted to be a part of a Whatsapp group chat with a bunch of people we graduated high school with.  I said sure.

It started off fine.  Lots of people who I hadn’t spoken with in years popped up in the group as each member kept adding whoever they were still in touch with.  Some of the names being added were people I don’t remember being in school with at all.  It was fun though.  People cheerfully welcomed all the newcomers.  People reminisced on our high school years, mourned the loss of those who have died and asked after the ones they had long since lost touch with.  At one point, someone asked if anyone was in contact with my friend Jon and suggested that he be added to the group.

That’s when things took a turn.  Jon is an openly gay man.  As far as I know, he’s the only one of our group.  My former classmates, who I’d just been happily chatting and catching up with did not want him added to the group chat because they “don’t agree with his lifestyle” and they actually called him derogatory names.


Jon and I are Facebook friends but we are not as close now as we used to be.  However, back in high school, he was one of the nicest people you could ever know.  He never said anything bad about anyone.  Never hurt anyone.  Was considerate and welcoming and when we were at his house he was a gracious host.  His entire family was that way.  I have no reason to believe he is any different now.

I know for a fact that some of the people who had been enthusiastically welcomed into the group chat have criminal records.  We had liars, cheats and divorcees. People who have had abortions and those who have had kids out of wedlock with multiple partners.  People just a minute earlier were boasting about how much rum they drink and how often they get drunk still.

The only person they wanted to exclude was Jon.


I don’t know if I should have said something in the group or not.  I chose to speak separately with the people I considered friends.  I told them how disappointed I was in the way they were behaving.

A lot of the people in the group know that I am in a same sex marriage and (whether they agree that it should be legal or not) they didn’t reject me.  But for some reason, it’s pretty standard for males to get harsher treatment than females.  I can’t be a part of a group that would discriminate that way even though I wasn’t personally being harmed or left out.  We all need to do a better job of supporting each other and advocating for each other and being allies for each other even if we are not in the affected set.

I left the group chat.





P.S.  “No Gays Allowed” because the Bible says so? The same book of the Bible (Leviticus is the popular one) also forbids: • Charging interest on loans • Trimming your beard • Selling land • Eating shrimp • Wearing two different fabrics and suggests the death penalty for adultery.