For a while now, I’ve been wanting to change the name of my blog. (I don’t think I can change the actual website link name … Well, I think I can but I have some logistical questions so I’m waiting until I can get my techy friend Robbo to come help a sistah out.)
In the mean time though, I can change the name that appears as my header so that’s what I’ve done.
All those years ago when I first began blogging, I was consumed with autism. I ate, breathed, and dreamed ABA, self-contained, sib shops, sensory integration, adaptive technology, theory of mind, floor time, social stories, insurance coverage, equine therapy, fine motor skills, chelation, gluten free … you name it. It was ALL I Googled about. Autism was the ONE subject matter on all the blogs I followed.
Also, all those years ago, my boy was obsessed with trains. Thomas the Tank Engine to be exact. We spent hundreds of dollars and hundreds of hours on Thomas. I hated the expense more than the time. Some of the songs are actually pretty good and I enjoyed the Hero Movie. And no matter how mature I am, remembering how it sounded when my toddlers said “Percy” will never not be funny.
The name Life On The J Train made perfect sense – At the time.
Things have changed.
Now our lives do not revolve around autism anymore. It’s still obviously a huge part of all our experiences, (will always be), but it’s not all consuming, all the time.
Now I write about many different topics. Now I follow bloggers who write about many different topics. Now, Ace is as much a part of my blog as Jay ever was. Just like we all have, my blog has evolved.
Life has undoubtedly turned out to be vastly different than I thought it would be. Vastly worse in some ways, yes, but also vastly better and easier in others.
I have chosen my new name as way of acknowledging my “Holland”.
(In case you are not familiar with it … “Welcome to Holland” is an essay about having a child with a disability which uses a metaphor of excitement for a vacation to Italy that first becomes disappointment when the plane lands instead in Holland and then contentment at the happy events which they experience instead.)
What I once thought would be an outlet for doom and gloom and despair has turned into what I hope my boys will see as a gift. I hope they see my growth and understand the dark moments. I hope they enjoy having all this info about their lives at their finger tips. While other people may not be able to fully see the beauty in our lives, I have come to treasure all our experiences. Because of everything we’ve been through, I love harder and appreciate on a deeper level. I am better and stronger and braver.
I have LOVED The Jay Train. Truly. Starting this blog is one of my favourite things I have ever done – ever. But I’m ready to move on to The B Side.
If you are like me and were a child in the 80’s (or earlier) then you know all about A sides and B sides on a cassette tape. For you young’uns … The A-side usually featured the songs that the artist thought were the good ones. The ones they hoped would receive radio airplay and become hits. The B-side (or “flip-side”) had the songs that were considered to be more fluff and less substance . The thing is though, there are many B side songs that out performed expectations and became hits.
Unchained Melody, I Will Survive, Save The Last Dance For Me, We Will Rock You – Yup, all B side songs. All huge hits that no-one saw coming.
This new header takes into consideration the totality that is my life … my writing … my experiences. The things I never could have predicted. It is to symbolize that while there probably is some garbage, amazing goodness can come out of what people assume will be something bad or mediocre.
Now tease your hair, think about your favourite Molly Ringwald movie and grab a pencil cause it’s highly likely that I’ll unravel at times.