Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

Open Letter To My Mothers Sister September 18, 2017

Filed under: Family,Marriage — The B Side @ 5:40 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

christian

 

Isn’t that sweet.

You, one of my mothers many sisters, posted that meme on Facebook and I assume you think it’s just lovely and makes you come across as having a good heart and not like a bigot.  You probably thinks it’s the perfect mix of compassion and religious integrity.  With all the talk of love and not judging and friendship and what not.  I mean really, how noble and Christ-like of you to not stand by while we get bullied.

 

I have questions though.

What does “not supporting homosexual marriagemean?  What does “standing up for your beliefs” look like?  Does it mean you would vote “NO” to make it legal?  Does it simply mean that you would not attend a homosexual wedding?  Does it mean that you would teach your children that someone else’s marriage is less valid or is inferior somehow?   Would you allow your children to spend extended time with their cousins who are children of a homosexual marriage?  Would my wife and I not be welcome in your home?  I just wanna know.  Because you see, with all your talk of still being a friend while you “stand up for your beliefs” you are probably being a hypocrite.  You, as a Catholic, happen to follow a sector of a religion that does allow pork eating (which I think is fine) – Never mind that there are parts of the bible that prohibit that – But that’s not my point here.  I’m not trying to influence which parts of the bible you decide are worth ignoring and which are not.  Choose any parts you want to.  Just as 7th Day Adventists can choose to focus on the parts that say pigs are unclean (which I also think is fine).  As individuals people should be able to choose what they want to eat without the government intervening and without other people putting themselves in a position of power over their rights based on personal religious beliefs.

 

If you don’t want to socialize with a gay couple I’m actually ok with that.  Well, I think it’s dumb, so I’m not necessarily ok with it but I accept that it’s your prerogative.  If you want to shelter your children from their lesbian Aunt and her children that’s totally up to you.  Would you disown your own son if he told you he was gay and wanted to get married?  You could.  That would be your choice to make.  It would be sad and unfortunate; but it would be your choice.

 

If you think homosexual marriage should be illegal though – that’s a problem.  Believe whatever you want, just don’t impose those beliefs on everyone else.  What gives you the right to put yourself in such a lofty position as to decide if it’s alright for another person to get married or not in the first place?  It’s no different from white people in 1787 deciding that black people should only be counted as 3/5 of a person when determining political representation.

 

It’s not ok to make laws for everyone based on religious beliefs of some.  Or is it?  Would it be right for 7th Day Adventists to make bacon illegal in an entire country and would it be ok for Jehovah’s Witnesses to make it illegal for women, anywhere, to hold any positions of power?

 

How about for you as a proud Catholic with the alter boy son, to make it illegal for men of all religions to get married because you don’t believe your own priests should marry? If there was a way to make pre-marital sex illegal and punishable by law, would that be acceptable?  Wait a second, should divorce be illegal?  I’m pretty sure that’s against your Church rules.  (Rocks and glass houses and all that).  Would it be the right of the government to force the children of non-married people to live with other married family members or in a group home because their biological parents have been sent to prison for breaking the law?  And what about birth control?  Should condoms and pills be illegal?  I’m just asking.

 

How do you feel about womens rights in strict Muslim countries?  I suppose it’s fine with you that Saudi women aren’t allowed to drive and that their girls cannot go to school and that the women are forced to wear bourkas.  I mean, after all, their religion tells them that’s how it should be.

 

If there was such a country where most of the law makers were Scientologists, should they and Tom Cruise cause all psychiatrists to lose their jobs and should all medication that treats mental illnesses be outlawed even for the Christians of said country?  Should it be forced upon all people, in a country led by Mormons, that they “go forth preaching the gospel, two by two” because that’s the law as laid out in the Book of Mormon  (D&C Section 42: 6)?  Or, instead of asking about missionary work, should I ask about the Mormon law which at one point argued for legalized slavery saying God ordained it or the one that forbade mixed-race couples saying blackness was a curse brought down on us as the seeds of Cain?  In The Book of Mormon, it literally says, God inflicts a curse of dark skin on the Lamanites when they disobey him and they become white and delightsome when they obey him.  How could the entire world not agree to and stick to this?  God himself commanded it.  God himself banned black people from voting or holding public office.  How did we allow Obama (who you support) to become President?

 

In the Jewish Torah it says that all males should be circumcised and that a widow whose husband died childless must not be married to anyone but her deceased husband’s brother.

 

Or are laws and restrictions based on religious views, only allowed if they align with YOUR religion?  With YOUR holy book?

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to trick you or back you into a corner, or even convince you of anything.  I am not saying your religion, or any other religion, is bad.  I am not knocking anyones beliefs by drawing attention to them here.  I go to Church sometimes too.  I just want to know, specifically, what your beliefs are.  I want to know about things that don’t fit nicely into your cute little meme.  Maybe saying “I don’t support” is just your way of saying that when you pray, you pray for God to heal me and my sinning heart.  Or for God to have mercy on my soul when I die.  That actually wouldn’t offend me at all.  Pray away.

 

I hope you don’t mind all my questions.  You put the meme out there so I feel like it’s fair game for me to ask you about it.  So, don’t be vague.  Tell me where exactly you stand and IF you believe that because of the Church you attend, that qualifies you to infringe upon my rights?

What you say will tell me a lot about who you are and if I want to be a part of your life or not.

 

With Respect,

Your big sisters oldest daughter

Advertisements
 

Phone Calls September 6, 2017

Last week Thursday I got a phone call.

It was not a call that I wanted to receive.

My Aunt had been hospitalized.

I was sad and worried – But mostly concerned about her and her comfort.

I spent the weekend either calling or anxiously waiting to receive a call to get updates.

Good news! – She was treated and released.

I am still worrying because I know she will not follow the doctors orders to relax.  It’s not who she is.

It’s hard being an immigrant and living in a different country from your loved ones and not having easy access to help them.

 

Last week Friday I got a phone call.

It was not a call that I anticipated.

The boys step mom was in the hospital – Getting ready to have her babies.

That call altered/canceled any plans we had.

We had to go pick my boys up late at night and prepare a bed for them.

I got to see them sooner than I expected which made my heart happy.

Good news! – Everyone is doing well and my sons now have twin sisters which they are very excited about.

The new mom is an immigrant and all her family live in another country.  I’m sure that’s not easy for her.  I hope she gets the support she will need; one way or the other.

 

Last Sunday I made a call that I did not want to make.  911.

Shaunies Grandma needed to be taken to the hospital.

We were scared and worried.

We had to cancel plans to attend an engagement party/bbq for good friends and instead spent the weekend making sure that she was as comfortable as possible.

Good news! – She was treated and released.

We still worry because she’s home alone quite often and is not good about letting someone know when she’s not feeling well.

If necessary we are only a 4 1/2 hour drive away.

“Only” is relative when it’s your Grandma who you love more than anything and she needs you.

 

Last Sunday was Ace’s birthday.

We made the best of it – Even though much of it was spent at a hospital – And we had to cancel plans for him to see Nanas.

Shaunie brought home a cake just as the kids were going to bed but they were allowed to stay up and have some.

We made a plan to take him to an amusement park.  His choice of an activity.

He received calls and messages from family and friends near and far.

He received more cash gifts than ever before and more gifts yet are on their way.

I expected him to hear from all the people who should love him – and he did hear from most – but there was one phone call that never came.  That message was received loud and clear.

I am disappointed but he’s fine.  He knows who his family is and that it often has nothing to do with blood.

 

Get You Somebody Who: August 24, 2017

Filed under: Family,Marriage — The B Side @ 12:02 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

As much as I get on her case sometimes, I do love the USA.  I love travelling around her and taking in all the natural beauty and seeing the diverse cultures and eating new foods.  There is so much to do and to see.

Our newest USA adventures took us to Alabama and Tennessee.  2 states I’d never been to before.  That brings my total number of states I’ve visited to 20.  (21 if you count Texas although I never left the airport there.)

Anyway, I was scrolling through our pictures from the Alabama/Tennessee trip and while it chronicles the great time we had and all the cool things we saw, it also illustrated nicely that I’m in a really great relationship.

As I looked at the pictures, my thought was that everyone should be so lucky as to have someone who:

 

–          Truly is your best friend.  Someone who tells you stories about their day and wants to hear all about yours.  Even if it’s just that you saw a baby basically stalking someone who was not their parent in the airport.  (Yes, there are pictures to support that example because without pictures it didn’t really happen.  We all know that.)

 

–          Is happy when you are happy even when they are not with you.  When Shaunie was stuck in class, I went to the Huntsville Botanical Garden and walked around their beautiful grounds and enjoyed their butterfly garden and lay in a hammock under a canopy of trees and read my book.  It was AWESOME!  She was happy for me that I got that relaxation time.

 

–          Indulges your nonsense.  We went out to dinner and I ordered a sangria.  Peach to be exact.  Shaunie gave me a look that I can’t describe.  Part eye rolling, part amusement, part annoyance, part resignation.  Then she said: “You always do that. Order a drink and then you only have half of it. I’m not paying for it.”  I promised that I would finish this one.  I didn’t.  The next night that we went out she asked me if I’d like to order a drink.  (p.s.  There’s really no “I pay” or “she pays”.  We are a “we” on the bank account.)

 

–          Will go on and take you on crazy adventures.  We spent an unscripted day in Nashville roaming wherever our hearts took us.  We caught a free outdoor concert in a park and toured a Parthenon replica and browsed stores selling cowboy boots and heard live bands playing in bars as we walked down the street and saw drunk girls dancing on top of a bar.  We waved at groups of women on party buses having bachelorette weekends and stood on line for an hour and a half just to have the supposedly world famous Hot Chicken from Hattie B’s.  We went to a museum and struck up conversations with strangers and took the advice of Uber drivers on where to go and what to see.   We even attended a rodeo – A first for both of us.  (Another p.s. Let me just say, the rodeo was great.  We had so much fun.  If you get the chance to go, I recommend it.)

 

–          Appreciates the “real” you.  We spent a few hours at the Air and Space Museum and as I was looking through our pictures I noticed photo after photo of me.  Pictures that I was unaware that she was taking.  Mostly of my back or from the side.  Pictures of me looking at exhibits or of me laughing.  I loved that.  There were so many interesting things to learn about and to see, but she was looking at ME.  Not the carefully crafted, posing, me that I show to the rest of the world on Facebook.  #Swoon

 

–          Sends you memes throughout the day just to make you laugh.

 

–          Encourages your intellectual growth and is eager to expand their own minds.  In addition to museums and such, we also hung out in a book store.  That’s something we actually do fairly often.  Due to her recommendation, I am currently reading “Behold The Dreamers”.  It’s a really easy read, but I am enjoying it.  I’m interested to see how it ends.  Next up to bat is a Wilbur Smith thriller.

 

–          Can be silly.  We did corny poses for pictures (flying through the air in front of a space shuttle, matching the stance of a dog statue, photo bombing other tourists, greedily eating a cupcake).  We “sang back up to Ray Charles” and played instruments and climbed into tight spaces that were hard to then get out of due to our aging bones.

 

–          Can’t wait to come back home when they are away.

 

 

For my part, I have delayed watching our favourite TV show so that we can watch them together at home.  I am now 2 episodes behind and even though I have seen some spoilers online, and I’m itching to watch, it would not be fair to my girl.  That’s how I show my love.

 

Is August Over Yet? August 15, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 5:18 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

This August has been rough.  And we’re barely half way through.

There have been a lot of things causing stress, not the least of which was the moving situation.  The thing is, even as we started packing and bought school supplies, we didn’t know where we were going to live.  Our current home owner decided to sell and that left us scrambling to find somewhere new.  Should we rent again?  We know the area now and have a good idea of what we like and where we would or would not want to be.  So then, should we buy?  But it felt rushed and we didn’t want to settle.  It was difficult to find somewhere that was in our price range and that was in decent condition and that kept the boys in their current school zone.  With each day passing that we didn’t have a new place, time was moving more quickly.  I got more and more stressed out.  I laid awake at night wondering if we’d be homeless and worrying that we’d have to move to a different town and uproot the boys all over again.  I don’t handle lack of sleep well.  I’ve always been a good sleeper and I’ve always needed 8 hours to feel my best.  9 are better.

We have now found a place, in our price range, and no changes need to be made regarding the boys schooling.  Whew!

 

While that was all going on, Shaunie was preparing for a business trip.  It was looking like a real possibility that she would leave before we secured a new place to live so I would be left to do it all alone.  Adding to the fun was that there were internal issues with her travel plans which were causing her a lot of stress.

I am still left to do most of the packing by myself.

 

Then there were things like the Charlottesville protests.  I have so much I want to say about it.  I’m hurt and angry and disappointed and disgusted and scared.  I’m disappointed in a handful of people for not checking in to see how or if we were affected by the protests since they know we live in Virginia.  I’m hurt by the people who say they love me and my family but won’t say anything about the Nazi salutes or the violence that was perpetrated by those a-holes.  They had a lot to say about the black lives matter riots and about Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the anthem and in defense of police though.

I’m angry that we are dealing with this crap at all.  I live in a country where the President lashes out at people ALL THE TIME over trivial things but then when things like what happened in Charlottesville happen, he keeps his mouth shut until he can’t stand the pressure anymore so he makes a weak statement (days later) blaming “both sides” and to add insult to injury he then says:  “When I make a statement, I like to be correct. I want the facts.”  As if that’s been his M.O. so far.  I just CANNOT with him or his supporters.

I’m disgusted with people who are not white, actually defending the white supremacists – claiming “freedom of speech needs to be awarded to everyone even if you disagree with them.”   Here’s the thing though, freedom of speech does not extend to speech that incites violence or to actions that lead to the extermination of entire groups of people.  That’s common sense to me, but it also legally defined and has already been decided by the supreme court.  Nazi flags and salutes are considered hateful and inciteful.  If you are endangering people with the things you say and the actions that you hope will come out of the things you say, that’s not covered by our beloved first amendment.  And to the ones who say that people who support “black lives matter” but not “white lives matter” are hypocrites, come close and listen up:

 

#ONLYwhitelivesmatter is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from #blacklivesmatterTOO

 

The words “only” and “too” may not be in the hashtags but they are very clearly there in meaning.

I’m scared for my sons because they are cute, sweet little boys now, but every day that goes by, they are one day closer to being adult men.  Black adult men.  These same fools who went to protest waving their confederate flags and holding their hands up in Nazi salutes with torches burning are the people my sons will have to deal with.  They are neighbours and teachers and police men and loan officers and landlords and bosses and jurors and the fathers of girlfriends.  My boys don’t deserve that.

They certainly don’t deserve the silence of the very people who they will expect to have their backs and who they will turn to for support.

 

 

Thankfully, there were other moments in August as well.  Moments filled with love and laughter.   Moments of dancing and celebrating a newly wed couple.  Moments of spending time with family who are visiting from The Cayman Islands.

 

Thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with someone who, 24 years ago, (and for nearly 10 years) was one of my closest friends.  I am very happy about that.

 

In the next couple of weeks, I’ll get to do more hanging out with loved ones.  I’ll spend a few days in a state I’ve never been to before which I always appreciate.  I have to finish up my packing and then there’s middle school open house and the actual move.  We will make the drive up to New Jersey for an engagement party and to pick up the kids.  Then it’ll be September and back to school and hopefully, back to some semblance of peace and normalcy.

 

And/Both August 10, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — The B Side @ 5:41 pm
Tags: ,

Newsflash – A person can feel 2 seemingly opposite things AT THE SAME TIME. 

I don’t know why we have set up this world to be so black and white.  (pun not intended) 

Everything now-a-days is this OR that.  Check one box.  

Do not believe this dichotomy.  It is not the truth.

The truth is that for a great many things you can do and feel BOTH, or more than 2 even.  The magic word is AND, and it’s real.  

 

You can miss your children till your heart hurts AND still be happy that they are getting to spend time away from you.

You can be personally pro-life AND be pro-choice for other people.

You can have problems AND not broadcast them online.

You can love the summer AND the winter. 

You can be a man AND be a feminist.  

You can want your own rights protected AND want those same rights extended to others.  

You can be mad that one lunatic is trying to start a war with another lunatic AND be entertained by Usher spreading herpes to Quantasia. 

You can disagree with a law AND carry out the duties of your job as described by the law AND try to get that law changed. 

You can support the police AND want them to treat everyone fairly and justly.

You can love someone AND know they are not good for you so you walk away.

You can have mixed race heritage AND recognize your privilege AND sympathize with the pain that half of your identity experiences.  

You can wish if your child/sister/uncle was straight AND support them and their marriage and their rights. 

You can want smaller government/less entitlements AND understand that there needs to be room for compassion.

You can love your Church AND want there to be separation between the Church and the State. 

You can not understand something AND understand that your lack of understanding doesn’t mean it is invalid. 

You can disagree with someone AND fight for their right to have that opinion. 

You can love and be a proud citizen of two different countries.  

You can enjoy gangster rap AND country AND pop AND jazz AND rock AND show tunes AND swing AND motown AND classical. 

You can want your loved one to keep fighting and to let nature takes its course AND understand them wanting to die with dignity at a time and place of their choosing. 

Your grief and worries and need for help can be totally valid AND you can be fully aware that there are people who have it worse than you. 

You can be a non-smoker AND actually like the smell of cigarettes.

You can love your country and its flag and its anthem and all the success it offers you AND harmlessly protest. 

You can be a good football player/actor/student/accountant/doctor/painter AND be socially conscious. 

You can love something or someone so deeply that it hurts you to see them not being their best AND so you try to change certain aspects of how they are.  

 

 

 

As far as I’m concerned … Here are some of the things you cannot do and get my backing:

 

Say you love your children but show no interest in anything they do.

Make broad negative claims about an entire group and then say “except you” to the one person you know who is a member of that group.

Want to lose weight but keep eating the same things you ate to get fat while not increasing your physical activity.

Say you are pro-“life” but show no regard for the lives once they are born.

Use words like “pacific” when you mean to say “specific” and not get laughed at.  

Abuse your power without expecting people to resist. 

Be transgender and want to be treated with respect but then go on Ellen’s show and say you don’t believe in marriage equality because you’re a traditionalist.  

Arrogantly tell parents they are wrong and that they should breast feed only or co-sleep or limit screen time or not vaccinate (etc) and expect them to listen to you – Especially if you have no children. 

Say you are not racist but forbid your daughter from dating a black man.  

Call yourself a good person if you are a provoking, racist, mean-spirited jerk online. 

Take food into a bathroom without it being gross.

Expect your children to do as you say and not as you do.  (They are watching and learning)

Blame other people for all your problems. 

Be a hairdresser but have a bad hair day everyday.

Take take take without giving. 

Treat people as though they are beneath you because you make more money than they do and still consider yourself a Christian.

Complain about being broke but everyday you’re at the mall shopping. 

Protect a child molester through your silence and carry no responsibility when he molests another.  

Excuse away rampant poor behavior with “that’s just how she is” or “he didn’t mean it that way” or “but you kind of brought it on yourself when you …”

Rehabilitate a pedophile/rapist/serial killer.

Be proud of your book smarts but be unwilling to learn something from someone with less letters behind their name than you.

Want me to suddenly become a morning person or to stop singing or to gain a green thumb. 

Tell your friends all the problems you have in your marriage then expect them not to hold it against your spouse.  

Think you have it all figured out. 

 

 

*Clearly this list is not exhaustive*

 

 

 

Broadening Our Circles August 3, 2017

Truth be told I was kinda nervous about moving to Virginia.  Having lived in the shadow of New York City (diversity central) for such a long time, I had heard many people talk about how bad things were in “The South” where race relations or any sort of non-conformity is concerned.  We’re a pretty non-conforming family.

(black, gay, immigrant, differently abled.)

 

We haven’t had a negative experience.

 

On back to school night (last year), we went to Jays school and introduced ourselves.

Hi, I’m Jays Mom.

Hi, I’m Jays Mom too.  

His teacher quickly registered what we were saying and with a big smile, she shook our hands and introduced herself and instantly began telling us what she had already learned about Jay and asked if there was anything else we’d like to tell her that would make her more effective as his teacher.

The same was true of Ace’s school and every baby sitter we interviewed.

No-one has cared about the make up of our family.

 

We went to a Kids Fun Day thing and a bunch of teenagers, under the supervision of an older gentleman, were running an area where kids could practice shooting lollipop targets with a pellet gun.  They looked, stereotypically redneck.  (I don’t mean this to be offensive, I just don’t have a better word.  If there is one, I’m all ears.)

If I were to believe the hype, I’d have expected these kids to be less than cordial to our little rag tag crew.  They could not have been nicer, or more patient, or more helpful with their gun using lesson and they shared Ace’s excitement when he kept hitting target after target.  The older gentleman, with his heavy southern drawl, long white beard and suspenders came over to us and chit chatted about our prior gun experience and our shared love of coffee and was sympathetic to Jay who was complaining about being hot.  He then invited Ace to join his 4H group.

 

Our town is somewhat diverse.  There are a fair amount of minorities to be found and quite a bit of mixed families but we do not make up the highest percentage – As opposed to the NJ town we moved from.  When the kids started making friends in the neighbourhood I was a little anxious about how they would be treated once all our “otherness” was exposed.  One afternoon Ace came inside complaining that there had been some drama with the kids and he was done playing with them.  My initial reaction was to wonder if it had anything to do with him having 2 moms.  The boy who was apparently the ring leader in the drama is blond haired and blue eyed and instead of going to the local elementary school (which is excellent) he goes to a Catholic school.  I jumped to all kinds of conclusions about what kind of beliefs his family has.

Turns out it was nothing (normal kid arguments which were squashed the next day) and the little blond haired, blue eyed boy is actually Hispanic and his family couldn’t care any less about our marriage.  I’ve hung out with the mom at the pool while our boys played and she offered her nieces babysitting services and her husband works for a very inclusive company that supports all sorts of human rights campaigns.

 

At my job, there is less diversity than at home, but the acceptance of and respect for everyone is evident.  It’s preached and practiced.  Just like everyone else, I have pictures of my family displayed on my wall.  No-one has bat an eye.  Not even 45’s supporters, of which there are a few.

 

I am glad I didn’t allow my own preconceived ideas to hold us back.  From moving, from being open, from talking to people who are completely different from anyone I’d ever spoken with before.

 

My friend Unabi is Muslim and the sweetest, kindest, most community service minded guy ever.  My friend Robbo is a frat boy and the least likely to force a drunk girl into sex.  I know a former convict who now has a steady job and is raising his orphaned niece.  I know tattooed, pierced, bike riding, hard rocking sweethearts and I even have a coworker from West Virginia who is not married to his cousin and has all his teeth.  I am a mixed race country girl from Jamaica who spent time as a child learning how to make lace and who has never rolled a joint.

Everyone makes assumptions about other people.  Every one has biases.  They can be based on a variety of things – What people are wearing, or what religion they practice, or what job they have.  We base these assumptions on what we’ve heard from other people and from what we’ve seen in the media and experiences we’ve had.   We make sweeping decisions about a persons entire life or thought process based on one small thing we may know about them.

I don’t think we can help that.  It’s natural.  Human nature.  What we can do though is be cognizant of our biases and check ourselves.  We can actively choose, even though it’s hard, to give people a chance.  We can make the first step and offer the first olive branch.

(Not R. Kelly, I’m not giving him the benefit of the doubt with the latest claims.  I’m biased against him and I’m ok with that.  He’s guilty.)

 

Anyway, I don’t know why I felt the need to write this now.  I’m  just feeling like there is so much anger and hatred and hurt feelings in the world and if we just stopped for a minute and actually got to know each other, a lot of that would disintegrate.  Everyone has a story and none of us are on the same journey so we won’t reach the same places at the same times.

 

When we were in Jamaica earlier this year, my Aunt was telling us that after working in England for a few years, she was in her classroom one day and it hit her that … ‘all my students look the same‘.  She told us that she needed to get out of that environment and that’s what partly  prompted her to move back to Jamaica.

I know it’s not as easy as telling people to just move to a different town or country or just get a different job.

I do however, think we could all do a better job of broadening our circles in some way.  We can stop insulating ourselves and actually get to know people who have different beliefs than us and who grew up in a different place than us and who look different than us.  We can encourage our kids to include kids who have different abilities or interests than them.   We can share our own stories and hopefully it will help to change some of the ways our race/denomination/nationality/orientation are thought of.  It can be as simple as inviting someone out to dinner and choosing a cuisine you’ve not had before.  It’s opening your own (metaphorical) door and also saying “yes” when someone tries to let you in.

 

Don’t go opening your literal doors to a whole bunch of strangers – That’s just not smart.

Peace and blessings all!

 

The Good (?) Part About Moving July 26, 2017

Filed under: ADHD,Autism,Family,Special Needs Kids — The B Side @ 11:22 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

If there is a good part about moving, it’s this:  Finding lost treasures as you sort through, throw away, pack up.

 

I was actually going to get Ace’s birth certificate (to renew his passport) when I saw a plastic bag overflowing with papers.

Well, I thought, I might as well go through this mess and get rid of whatever junk I can.  There’s no point in bringing it to the new place.

I got to work – And along with a trash can full of stuff that I threw away, I also found a CD of pictures from my bestie’s wedding.  They’re about to celebrate their 14th anniversary so:  a) Pictures on disc were a thing back then and b) I was skinny and there are pictures of me in a bikini in which I don’t look half bad (if I do say so myself).

 

I found lots of evaluation paperwork and school reports from when Jay was 4 to 6 years old.  Back then, he was still getting “N” – Not Yet Mastered – in areas like “Writes Recognizable Letters” and “Counts from 1 – 20” and “Names Shapes” and “Identifies Body Parts”.

There were also communication logs from one of his stints in a social skills therapy group.

 

Jay was calm upon coming to the office but resists being guided.  He has begun to follow my finger pointing.”  Oct 2, 2012

Jay is very easily distracted and has difficulty regulating and getting into engagement.  He responds to his inner sensations and not outside relationships.  He is now tolerating spinning on the board and being pushed on the swing a lot better.  He did some cutting and played with putty.”  Oct 9, 2012

 

Oh sweet boy, you’ve worked so hard and I am so impressed with where you are today.  You had to learn how to tolerate spinning and swinging?  Now you beg us to take you to the “big amusement park” so you can get on the big roller coaster.  I can’t wait to see what 4th grade will bring.  I’m not nervous at all.  Just excited.  Amazing right?

 

Then there were the folders from Ace’s 1st and 2nd grade classrooms with his work in them.

In first grade, the kids were encouraged to keep a diary and write down at least one thing each day.

 

Oct 12, 2012My babae brin a pumpkin.

(I have no idea who babae is.  Wish I did.)

Oct 15, 2012why can we have a outside lunch or an art lunch. Why!

Oct 18, 1012I,m gowen to korf my pumpkin.

Jan 15, 2013I have a Bumbol Bee Transformr. I have a lagow areplan.

Mar 13, 2013I am gowing to get a bowinaroo.   I am going to the srkis.

June 20, 2013I can welcome new neighbors by saiding hellow.  I will might discover that they frendly.

 

Then on the first day of second grade there was this letter.

Dear 2nd Grade teacher,

Hi I am Ace.

I am exsidid.

I am looking forward to have fun.

What dos 2nd grade look like.

 

Love,

Ace

 

Now he’s about to start middle school and in case anyone was wondering, his spelling has come a LONG way 🙂

 

Moving is a pain in the butt, but going through all these papers was actually fun.