Life On The B Side

Taking all that life throws at us one moment at a time

How many is 31? October 23, 2015

Ace, Jay and I were in the car when Jay asked “How many is 31?”

Ace and I both replied with “9”.

It wasn’t a script.  Jay was asking a real question and the answer really was 9.

Ace and I knew this because we understand the way Jay speaks and to a certain extent, how he thinks.

He wanted to know how many days there were before it would be Halloween.  (October 31st).

The rest of the conversation flowed easily and both boys skipped happily off to school that day but I couldn’t get the question out of my mind.

How many is 31?

The more I thought about it, the tighter my chest got because this is my worry.  THIS.

How does my son get by in a world where the vast majority of people won’t understand him?  How does he do it every day without myself or Ace to help him?

If he had asked anyone else that question they would have had no clue what he was talking about and it would have lead to frustration and maybe anger.

How many times in a day does he have to go through this?  Over the simplest of things.  How difficult is it for him really?

The ability to communicate is huge.  Imagine for a second what it’s like to not be able to make any of your wants, feelings, pain, opinions known.

Thankfully Jay is no longer in that position.  He can do/say a lot.

But I worry about my boy.

At first glance and even at second glance he doesn’t appear to need any special treatment or extra help or patience.  He seems quite typical.

But he’s not.

I worry about him and how he navigates school and play dates and weekends spent with family and friends on his own.

I am amazed at his ability to adjust.  I am amazed at how patient HE is with US.  How he tries to get us to understand.  How he asks for more details about things we’ve said so that he can understand.

On most days I feel like he’ll be alright.  He’s managed pretty well thus far.  I mean, he’s come SO far.  It’s staggering really.  People who knew him just a couple of years ago would not recognize the smart, sweet, funny, creative, independent, friendly, playful, chatterbox little boy he is now.

But then there are the days that I can’t shake my fears and all I can do is hope that as he gets older and spends more and more time away from me, most of the people he encounters will have a kind heart and will recognize that he needs just a little extra … Time.  Help.  Understanding.


3 Responses to “How many is 31?”

  1. Deb Says:

    Oh mama, I’ve been there. I feel like I can read my son better than anyone. It hurts my heart that I can’t be there in every conversation, every interaction. I think the best we can do is to slowly, as they get older, do our best to give them tools to interact with others and to step back, little by little, and see how they do. And to let them know we’re there for for them, even if we can’t be in every moment.

  2. Anna Slater Says:

    Good morning love, your concern are those of a loving Mom. We all have some type of anxiety when it comes to our kids. I still have anxiety issues for all my kids when they go out into this confusing world. But when they show thier confidence, we just have to show out trust. I know my struggles are not yours, but yhe concern of a Mom never ends. Continue to be the great beautiful fun trusting mothet you are and trust the Lord will provide that protection for them we yern. Love you Mama. Stay good. Fq

  3. I hear ya, loud and clear. And keep remembering how far he’s come in a few years. He’ll continue to grow and mature and thrive, and hopefully surprise you.

    Lately our issues has been with my son’s anxiety around school. After I met with his new special ed teacher, the counselor and assistant principal on the second day of school to let them know what’s going on with my son, and how to best handle him, his special ed teacher (of all people) took him into the hallway one day, sticking her finger in his face and barking at him. He was stunned, panicked and then silently and with as much restraint as he could muster, melted down. He shut down for almost 2 weeks. I could barely get him to school, and couldn’t get him to do any homework. Fortunately, for academic reasons, he’ll be switching special ed teachers after this week. But he didn’t need to have that experience. And I’m going to make that very clear when I meet with both special ed teachers, the counselor and principal this coming week.

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