I’ve let myself fall behind again and now there are too many things to talk about. I fell behind though because I was struggling to write. Nothing felt right. I didn’t feel like pouring my heart out and talking about how I had a great weekend but then turning around and saying that I spoke to my Aunt on Sunday evening and even though I love talking to her sometimes it makes me sad. I didn’t want to talk about the happy without acknowledging the sad and vice versa. But it also felt odd putting them all in one post.
Here’s the thing – I love my Aunt beyond measure. Always have. She’s always been physically small and delicate. She’s sweet and caring and soft spoken. But man she is fiercely independent and brilliant and adventurous and steadfast and reliable and hard working. I have respected her my entire life and tried to be like her. As much as I loved my Grandma and my Grandad, it was my Aunt that I wanted to emulate. Just by being who she is, she earned the respect of thousands of students and countless teachers and girl guiders and Church group members and pretty much anyone who ever met her.
I have so many great memories of her and still can feel the excitement in my body when I remember eagerly waiting to see her car pulling into our driveway when I was a kid.
She’ll be 90 years old next month. Her heart is not doing well. She’s been in and out of the hospital a couple of times in the last couple of months. It’s no longer safe for her to be left alone so arrangements have been made so she always has company.
Her faith in God is strong and she is very connected with her Church but has been unable to go. This bothers her. Her church will have an intimate, watered down Christmas service for “shut ins” that she will attend next week.
That she is being well taken care of and has access to these things is great – That she needs it, makes me sad.
OK, so I spent more time on that topic than I thought I would. That’s how writing goes I suppose. Words come spilling out. Like vomit. And then you feel better.
I don’t want to make it seem as if it’s all gloom over here though. You see that same Aunt sent a cake all the way from Jamaica and Ace was super excited to get it because he loves it. (She sends one every year). Jay decided he’d try it and when he tasted it, he said “This is making my tongue happy.” I relayed that information to her and she thought it was awesome.
Jay had a great time at his friends birthday party and now wants to have a party of his own. We’ll see about that. His birthday is in less than a month.
Ace got braces put on his teeth. Braces on their own are not cheap. (Thousands of dollars). Add in several more hundreds of dollars because he needs to have some extractions. I am concerned about how he’ll handle the pain at the same time as I am stressing out over how we’ll pay for it all. He was excited but nervous about the braces. Understandable. It went pretty well even though he was sore the whole next day. He chose red and green rubber bands in honour of Christmas. Extractions happen next week. Send us good vibes.
There are other things too, of course.
Passive aggressive racist things I’ve heard lately from “good people” that made me think of passive aggressive racist things I’ve heard my whole life from people who let down their guard and got comfortable and made comments in my presence; Probably assuming I wasn’t paying attention or maybe just flat out not caring that I was the lone black person in a room otherwise full of white people. *sigh*
There was our holiday card photo shoot. It went swell. We dressed the kids in matching red sweaters and took pictures of them in front of our tree. We got some funny pictures and some perfectly posed ones. I’m so grateful that we can even do things like this at all. Picture taking was once a cause of much stress in my life. For some reason I really let it bother me that the kids wouldn’t pose for cute pictures when they were little.
Now, I just need to make it to a place to print them off and drop them in the mail. We’ll see if it happens. If not, I’ll just post the pics online. I am the same person who still has the gift I bought for my sisters first mothers day sitting in my living room. I meant to mail it to her back in May but that never happened. I’ve also seen her twice since then and both times forgot to bring it with me. I’ll keep you posted on when she actually receives it. Gonna include it in the box I’m sending for my niece. Really making an effort to get it to them in time for Christmas.
So there you have it. I just threw everything in the pot; like a paella or a jambalaya. Hopefully things are going smoothly for you and yours. I love you all for reading. Truly. Enjoy what you can about this life we’re living and especially at this time of the year when it’s so tempting to do, don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourselves to make things perfect or to impress other people.